How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Critical Analysis #1 Archive
 i would like some tips, or anything to h
 1 2
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

i would like some tips, or anything to help me, i am a new poet

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
amerijuanican
Junior Member
since 12-11-2001
Posts 14


0 posted 12-19-2001 04:39 PM       View Profile for amerijuanican   Email amerijuanican   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for amerijuanican


                  X's
X's turned hexes
  In a talk last night
My heart's last tug
  Throw fear, I fight
Will my season so dear
  To which I cling?
This verse-a dirge, in my ear sing
  
My heart in clutches
  seized less breath
Ill focus lost
  in shadows greive
    
   My heart this hollow stained red glass
      Your true forgiveness, this I ask



© Copyright 2001 amerijuanican - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


1 posted 12-20-2001 11:28 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

Try to be a bit clearer. This is a little too cryptic, I found it kind of hard to understand.

I like the "X's" at the beginning- I couldn't help but think of the drug. Interesting choice there.

Just don't try too hard- let it come naturally. Be creative, but make sure you are 100% behind the creativity. I think you have a good start, just let the wording come more naturally.

Hope I've helped.

"we are all citizens of the womb before we subdivide
into shades and sexes- this side, that side" -Ani DiFranco

strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


2 posted 12-21-2001 02:06 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

I tried to reply to this several times but I just couldnt explain myself so I passed on it, Now after reading what hush has said, I agree completely. I didnt care for the x's and it seems strained, I think if you relax and let your feelings come through naturally you would have a good poem. strbbux
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Critical Analysis #1 >> i would like some tips, or anything to h Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors