HI English Poet, I had some quiet time today and I worked on this and I am wondering your opionion...did I fix it, Or make it worse, I am a fairly new writer so it is hard for me to critique my own work.. thanks so much..
I also loved the last line and had a bit of trouble with it, I didnt want to lose any thing there so please let me know what you think..
As my tears cascade down,
Fall to the ground, they shatter.
In a stream, sadness gleams,
And crystal teardrops don't splatter.
They are heavy in my eyes,
I can't help but see them fall.
As they crash into each other,
And Break up, I watch them all.
I try to take my hand and catch them,
Before they crash to make a sound.
But as they slip right through my fingers,
My teardrops shatter to the ground.
As my eyes fill up with tears,
And begin to quickly flow.
Only as they fall to crash,
Do my crystal tears now glow.
And so, they drip out of me,
Cold and icy as could be.
Crystal teardrops fall so slowly,
Finally now I set them free.
Yet, while I sweep them in a pile,
They glimmer in the bright sunlight.
Then I catch one on my finger,
Blood so red, I'm in such fright.
Sadly they're still part of me,
Even though they've shattered so.
They will never be set free,
Crystal teardrops such sorrow show.