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Pillow Talk

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Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
[First Post] 54
Birmingham, England


0 posted 12-18-2001 08:56 AM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Pillow Talk

As first rays of sunlight greet
Each morning at dawn,
I hear pitter-patter of tiny feet,
Worn-out wooden floors creak
As you come to sneak into my bed,
For a pillow talk of nothingness.

You hug me.
You kiss me.
You tell me.
How much you miss me.
You love me.

You sparkle like an effervescent drink.
While I groan like a muffled drum.
You’re soft as velvet, warm as mink,
While I am drowsy like Jamaican rum.

As we lay head-to-head in bed.
With a smile of silk you said:
Where is my bottle of milk?

© 2001 by Asif Ahmed.

© Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


1 posted 12-18-2001 10:42 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

I like this. There are some phrases I might consider too cliche in other instances, like "pitter-patter of tiny feet" or "soft as velvet" but they all seem to work out fine in this, especially when compared to your wonderful use of rhyme and wordplay. It's not a poem that's trying to break barriers or take itself too seriously, it's simply trying to be a nice image, and to that extent, it succeeds marvelously.

"we are all citizens of the womb before we subdivide
into shades and sexes- this side, that side" -Ani DiFranco

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


2 posted 12-19-2001 10:34 AM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

Hi Asif,

And welcome to CA. It's always fun to hear a new voice, especially when introduced by such a charming piece as this. It left me with the proverbial warm, fuzzy feeling.

Check your email and thanks for sharing.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


3 posted 12-19-2001 01:04 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

I can't even find the words to tell you how much I loved this.. such a warm and loving poem. strbbux
Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


4 posted 12-19-2001 10:33 PM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Dear All
Thank you all for your kind words. I wrote this one morning as i went to work - it's for my five years old daughter - for whom I get the bottle of milk each morning and have done so for years - she has the art of charming.
Asif
 
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