Hi there hush
In my limited experience and wisdom, I`ll try to give you my take on this piece.
First of all, I really like the descriptions in the first part;
"Her morning breath
is soiled hospital linens.
Fingertips are gauze.
I cup her cheeks with my eyes
but only see the flaws."
and in this line;
"Spiders lay eggs in the corners of her mouth."
They evoked a disconcerting, uncomfortable feeling in me, as I think is intended in this case.
The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs(term?) seem slightly stuffed between the first and last ones style-wise, kind of like a tuna and peanut butter sandwich I like tuna and peanut butter on their own, but my taste buds would stumble over such a combination, as did my attention. A transition issue maybe.
mm...all I can come up with at the moment, I did enjoy the read in any case.
[This message has been edited by Pell (edited 11-23-2001).]