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Passions in Poetry

Everything Touched Is Gold

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Ousiders Cattermole
Junior Member
since 11-02-2001
Posts 28


0 posted 11-13-2001 07:31 PM       View Profile for Ousiders Cattermole   Email Ousiders Cattermole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ousiders Cattermole

In the snowiest little village -
In the foliage by the woods,
To the quaintest little passage -
Is were the entrance stood.

So pass the tulips in yellow -
That bend amid a breeze,
And cross the snowy ever -
That catch the fallen leaves.

For here you'll find a stream -
To cross the autumn fold,
For here you'll come to dream -
"Everything touched is gold."


© Copyright 2001 Ousiders Cattermole - All Rights Reserved
Songbird
Member Elite
since 12-15-1999
Posts 2211
California


1 posted 11-18-2001 07:43 PM       View Profile for Songbird   Email Songbird   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Songbird's Home Page   View IP for Songbird

Enjoyed this very much..you made one small mistake, here in this line
"To the quaintest little passage -
Is were the entrance stood." were should be where, I am sure it was just a typo.
hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


2 posted 11-19-2001 11:00 PM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

I'm confused. You have winter, spring, and autumn imagery here... it doesn't make much sense to me. Neither does the conclusion. I guess what I'm left asking is, what's the point? There's nothing pulling me into this, you're just describing a hodgepodge scene and ending with an allusion to a happily-ever-after.

I guess I would suggest adding some kind of element to this poem- a narrator, a change, some kind of evident change so it's not so static- as is, it's kind of like a sentence fragment... yeah, we've got all this imagery, but it's doing nothing, going nowhere.

Hope this helped a bit.

"this is not who I meant to be
this is not how I meant to feel" -Ani DiFranco

Songbird
Member Elite
since 12-15-1999
Posts 2211
California


3 posted 11-24-2001 12:04 PM       View Profile for Songbird   Email Songbird   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Songbird's Home Page   View IP for Songbird

I don't agree, I see it as the passage of time and the journey through life, the changing seasons and everything turning out alright in the end. I see the whole poem as an analogy and I feel that is what you meant it to be. That's how I read it anyway.
hush
Senior Member
since 05-27-2001
Posts 1693
Ohio, USA


4 posted 11-25-2001 11:22 AM       View Profile for hush   Email hush   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hush

I could see that... if the seasons changed in any sort of order, but this poem just presents one conflicting image after another, leaving me with no sense other than bewilderment.

"this is not who I meant to be
this is not how I meant to feel" -Ani DiFranco

Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 12-19-2001
Posts 707
USA


5 posted 12-19-2001 12:29 PM       View Profile for Soleil Noir   Email Soleil Noir   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Soleil Noir


This is a dream's dream, where
nothing is real, and everything
imagined is beautiful.  Thank you
for this.
strbbux
Member Elite
since 12-19-2001
Posts 3975


6 posted 12-19-2001 01:03 PM       View Profile for strbbux   Email strbbux   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for strbbux

Oh I loved the sentiment here, this was so sweet, strbbux
Englishpoet
Member
since 12-18-2001
Posts 54
Birmingham, England


7 posted 12-21-2001 06:22 PM       View Profile for Englishpoet   Email Englishpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Englishpoet's Home Page   View IP for Englishpoet

Hi
This is a wondeful poem. I love it as it is. I too agree "Is were" should be where.
Well done
Asif

punksmurf
Junior Member
since 01-01-2002
Posts 42
new hampshire, U.S.


8 posted 01-08-2002 06:41 PM       View Profile for punksmurf   Email punksmurf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for punksmurf

i agree that it felt like a passage through time in the eyes of someone seeking beauty, i dunno, just my craziness maybe, but i enjoyed the feeling of movement, and the sing-songiness to it can't wait for more
~Me
 
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