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When I was a kid, I used to cry
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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When I was a kid, I used to cry |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
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When I was a kid, I used to cry. I asked the mirror, who I really was. Was I a kid, who has been spoiled? Was I a loner, who has no friends? Was I ungly, deserved no love? Was I pretty, just liked others? Then when I grew up, I saw who I was. I was just a child, who needed approvel. I was just a kid, who was scared. I was just a normal kid, who deserved love. I was pretty, just liked others. It was just that I didn't see. Every kid is lovely with a pure heart. Every child is pretty and need love. Every heart of a child is a fragile vase, Which can broken easily if you didn't watch out. Every heart of a child is innocent, They never mean to harm anyone. Every child deserves love, Regardless of their talents. Every child needs approvel, To show her she is special. Every child has her world, Her beautiful world, The way she sees things. Every child is good, A gift from God above. And I understand now cause I'm a mother. Every child deserves our love, Our attention and care. Even if she is spoiled, She is still your kid. Love, |
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| © Copyright 2001 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jericha Satchel Junior Member
since 2001-11-04
Posts 11 |
Fix your spelling and grammar and then bring it back. When you care about how you are communicating as much as what you are communicating then it will be worth taking the time to help. >When I was a kid, I used to cry. Comma not needed. >I asked the mirror, who I really was. Comma not needed. >Was I a kid, who has been spoiled? Comma not needed. HAD been spoiled >Was I a loner, who has no friends? Comma not needed. HAD no friends >Was I ungly, deserved no love? UGLY Structure is not English. >Was I pretty, just liked others? Comma not needed. JUST LIKE OTHERS >Then when I grew up, Comma not needed. >I was just a child, who needed approvel. Comma not needed. APPROVAL >I was just a kid, who was scared. Comma not needed. >I was just a normal kid, who deserved love. Comma not needed. >I was pretty, just liked others. LIKE Comma not needed. >Every child is pretty and need love. NEEDS >Every heart of a child is a fragile vase, >Which can broken easily if you didn't watch out. A child has only one heart at a time. Perhaps you mean "Every child's heart..." Comma not needed. CAN BE BROKEN EASILY IF YOU DON'T... >Every heart of a child is innocent, >They never mean to harm anyone. Comma not needed. A semi colon would do. Same on the heart question. >Every child deserves love, >Regardless of their talents. Comma not needed. >Every child needs approvel, >To show her she is special. Comma not needed. APPROVAL >Every child is good, >A gift from God above. Comma not needed. Use a semi colon. >Even if she is spoiled, Comma not needed. |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
thank you for you pointing out my faults. I am such a careless writer and my grammer is so bad. I'm so sorry to give you the trouble to read it. I'll try to write better next time. Love, |
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amigo Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 520the earth school |
felt it was a long one...but, the thought, love for the child in all of us is brought out very nicely....thank you |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
Well, I think you have a wonderful message in this poem. I also have to say that it would be easier to read if some of the changes suggested in the first reply were made. Overall though, a good poem, and I really liked the topic. You write it well. The day is brighter, but the dawn is sweetest. |
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