»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
New to this
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
New to this |
|
|
redant New Member
since 2001-09-24
Posts 1 |
I no experience in writing poetry. If you could give me any feedback it would be greatly appreciated. I will be trying to learn more from others and this site. When I saw the way you looked that day I knew everything was gonna be ok. You know what to do There wasn’t anything to say. I crawled around you like an animal And smelled and tasted you. You’re tongue in mine, so divine Or should I say evil? Each time I see you I am frightened by Your presence and am frustrated I can’t Tell you what I want to! I tried not to But I dreamed of you. You looked at me and I became Warm, dizzy I was lost. I knew what you came for We hid from everyone And behaved as lovers. He walked in and looked at me. I bit my finger carelessly. There was a heat running through me. I’ve prayed for him to leave, but that day I asked him to stay. You see he was going to touch me and I was going to burn up, Unless I did what God detests. The force, I could not stop. My body would not be denied it’s sinful pleasure. There was no one to see us. No one needed to know. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 redant - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I'm sorry I can't take the time right now to discuss your writing but I wanted to at least welcome you to the forum. For having "no experience in writing poetry", you do have a very good start here. I'll try to get back later. Meanwhile, I'm sure others will comment. Check your email for a message. Pete |
||
|
Ven Member
since 2001-10-01
Posts 102U.K. |
Was not sure if this was one poem or two. However, liked the first stanza very much. Nice work |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
