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Critical Analysis #1
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hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

0 posted 2001-07-12 12:16 PM


The original version of this is formatted differently, but I couldn't get it to work on the page.


Why are we so damn comfortable
with left-justified pages?
Can’t we just
E x p e r I m e n t ?
i for one get bored
when my i’s and my eyes are all aligned
in horizontal harmony.
are we format-phobes?
Or are we just too lazy to
                      T  r a  v e l (unravel)
                                      the page
with fingers, sight, or mind?
conceptually comatose?
veritable vegetables?
allergic to a little alliteration
not pleasing to the I’s?
it’s possible to right good computer poetry
if you don’t fall for the letter-writing-
no- sentence- fragment
-punctuate –correctly –and-capitalize those- i’s
pitfalls of listening to everything technology tells you (ewe)-
be daring.
Piss your computer off by using it to your advantage.

7/9/01


everything's fine.

© Copyright 2001 hush - All Rights Reserved
brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
1 posted 2001-07-12 01:48 PM


Hush, I wish I could be helpful but I can't stop laughing, this is brilliantly observed.
I love this, and it is suprising hard to adjust to print on the right hand side of the screen.


"Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song.

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
2 posted 2001-07-12 05:24 PM


haha! awesome, i loved it, a poem about defying conventional means and those accursed computers with all their spell and grammar cheqing!  bravo, i dug it, innovative, fresh, with a little rhyme in it, freestyle, cool, really liked the last line too.

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

3 posted 2001-07-12 07:09 PM


Hush,

I, too, just absolutely loved this..the anti-convention of it all...the rebellion in it.
And...it made me laugh. Wonderful!

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

4 posted 2001-07-13 10:09 AM



Enjoyed this.  Often wondered how to get everything to the other side of the room, myself...

reminds me of the Fred Astaire piece of dancing on the ceiling....

love it!

Jeen
Member
since 2000-06-07
Posts 91

5 posted 2001-07-14 10:34 AM


Hush

As I began to type this I read, "hush encourages constructive critiques: "rip it apart".

Sorry, it was perfect.

Jeen

Janette
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now
6 posted 2001-07-27 05:49 AM


Great read....halarious...I enjoyed it very much!

Janette

xEmperorEmber
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 136
tx
7 posted 2001-07-27 07:07 AM


Very... Ironic, if you would like to read my reply it would be greatly appreciated... i think were in the same boat my friend.  Well goodbye
Great Below
Junior Member
since 2001-07-17
Posts 13
Massachusetts, USA
8 posted 2001-07-27 10:43 PM


Very funny and good observations, a piece like this really makes you wonder sometimes just why we are so stuck in being organized.
Force of habit I guess but thanks again for the laugh.

Constance
Member
since 2001-07-28
Posts 393
Ohio
9 posted 2001-07-28 10:31 PM


Love it! I agree, although there I'm sure all your english grammar teachers have bloody noses from the knee-jerks.  Me, wish I had thought of it!


Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
10 posted 2001-07-29 10:23 PM


Nice rhetorical trick.

Okay, I'm a format-phobe, I'm a traditionalist, I'm all those other things you asked.

It doesn't work for me.

If you want to change something shouldn't it be more than simply to change it. What's the reason behind this form?

Just because.

What's the reason behind normal justification?

Convention of course but also you usually take a breath after a line is done, not before the line begins.

Brad

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
11 posted 2001-07-30 10:27 AM


Actually I found this pretty interesting as well as cute. It was well worded and certainly different. Several years ago a friend loaned me a book which was written entirely in this format. It was difficult to read, as was this poem. I don't remember the title but it was a description of Einstein's theory of relativity, written for T.C. Mits (The Common Man In The Street).

Brad, I got a good laugh from you observation that we usually breathe at the end of the line rather than the beginning. Great observation.

I still enjoyed it but I wouldn't want to read a whole lot like it.

Thanks for the chuckle.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
12 posted 2004-01-22 11:52 AM


was looking through the archives and found this gem...

what a laugh!

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