A study for the portrait of Francis Bacon

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brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

0 posted 2001-06-20 04:32 PM

George Dyer reclined
his flowing forehead
and neophyte nose
in pliant profile.
This perfect rogue,
given gay sanctum,
yet it could not console
for
Love is the devil,
harbouring its canvassed horrors.
Shifting the Sense
to the archetype of solitude.
He writhed, Paris forsaken
to drown nether monotone.

The light bulb, a deep scar
marking the arena, hangs over head
Dyer and Edwards.

Teeth gnash in abject paralyse
taut beneath bulging flesh
frozen in motion.
This tumourous mass awaits its conception.
To the triptych of the Christless crucifixion
the skin-tone simian
issues a silent scream,
its contorted mass bandaged
in the sanguinary Turin,
the same cloth caressed the shafts
penetrating howling Innocence X.

Detached photographs sacrifice
their clarity to the fires of debris
where lovers and friends twist,
in this fatal marriage
of kinetics, humanity
exhibits a violent gasp.

"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2001-06-21 05:34 PM

I don't know if you're getting better or I'm getting used to your writing but this shows more control than almost anything I've seen of yours (this, and that stripper piece which I also enjoyed).
George Dyer reclined
his flowing forehead
and neophyte nose
in pliant profile.
This perfect rogue,
given gay sanctum,

--notice the parallels in the last four lines. This doesn't bother me but be weary of it.

yet it could not console
for
Love is the devil,

--'for' as one line? 'Love is the devil' -- On the one hand, I understand the rhythmic breakup here (See above) but, on the other, you can do a lot better than this.

harbouring its canvassed horrors.
Shifting the Sense
to the archetype of solitude.

--And you keep phrases like 'archetype of solitude' down to a minimum. thanks.

He writhed, Paris forsaken
to drown nether monotone.

--might be better in a more natural phrasing.

The light bulb, a deep scar
marking the arena, hangs over head
Dyer and Edwards.

--some problems with syntax but not bad.

Teeth gnash in abject paralyse
taut beneath bulging flesh
frozen in motion.
This tumourous mass awaits its conception.
To the triptych of the Christless crucifixion
the skin-tone simian
issues a silent scream,

--'silent scream' stands out as too ordinary here.

its contorted mass bandaged
in the sanguinary Turin,
the same cloth caressed the shafts
penetrating howling Innocence X.

--I read this first as Innocence X rather than Innocence 10 -- not complaining, I like possibilities.

Detached photographs sacrifice
their clarity to the fires of debris
where lovers and friends twist,

--this is a great image.

in this fatal marriage
of kinetics, humanity
exhibits a violent gasp.

--don't like the philsophical ending.

Now, I was recently told at another site that I have a kind of Eastern sensibility that prevents me from truly enjoying a more Western directness. I don't know but I think that your 'study' doesn't have enough propulsion to carry a weighted treatise, what about a personal revelation? Let the examination of the paintings result, not in some reductionist philosophy, but in some type of individual eipiphane. I think that would be better.

Still, your use of diction seems much stronger here, it doesn't feel as forced or rushed -- It fits the mood of the piece.

Brad

PS Added bonus, I looked up some of the paintings.

[This message has been edited by Brad (edited 06-21-2001).]

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

2 posted 2001-06-21 06:27 PM

Brad wow thank you, I felt kind out out on a limb writing about something that was not based from personal experience. The poem was inspired by a film about the film of Bacon. I wanted to capture how the studio was part of his art, his life and how personal tragedies reflected upon his work. Alot to cover in 40 lines.

"archetype of solitude" I like that line, but yes I can see how my metaphors can wear thin.

"He writhed, Paris forsaken
to drown nether monotone."

I was trying to capture Dyer's own personal pain, how he was portraited in Bacon's paintings and how he commited suicide while Bacon was at an exhibition of his own work in Paris, it was to be the highlight of his career. Again maybe I bite off more than I could chew, maybe I should have left the piece breath more.

'silent scream' I agree, it flowed but it is an image I could have coined in my sleep.

'Innocence X' is Pope Innocence 10th I just used the same spelling that Bacon used in the title of his painting.

"in this fatal marriage
of kinetics, humanity
exhibits a violent gasp."

I always go for the cliched message ending, I guess I wanted to show how Bacon reflected the violence of human nature gave it a certain beauty. The last line should probably go.

The study of the painting was an effort to reflect on Bacon's personal life, a loose thread that needs to be sorted out.

Thanks for this great critique and for the insight and feedback. Greatly appreciated.
I hope that you enjoyed the paintings.

The studies of people are quite interesting as well as the "Crucifixion triptych"

"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2001-06-24 03:09 PM

Brian~
As I enjoy character-study pieces ...
I took great pleasure in your observations here.

I have no critique ... only enjoyment that serves to make me want to look up Francis Bacon and scholar on his work.

Thank you, Brian.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2001-06-25 04:12 PM

Thank you Marge.

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