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Giving Birth
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Giving Birth |
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Anson Beau Cavell Junior Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 49Ohio,US |
Sometimes, when I write, words come out of nothing. My labor, the pain of my living, meaningless, like a child’s head crowning the vagina into a world chocked full of children. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Anson Beau Cavell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I like the idea that the world of ideas is grossly overpopulated, yet poets struggle to create something that is original and their own and which somehow stands out. My suggestion would be to work on incorporating some more specific imagery in order to show us the comparison, rather than tell us why writing is like childbirth. As it is their is really just one main image in the work. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I like this. The metaphor is fresh and forceful in an almost ugly way. Bravo! |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Instead of saying words come out of nothing, maybe you could compare it to birth- words spew from nothing, words leak from leftover placenta, etc. It would leave a much more lasting impressing and make the comparison stronger. everything's fine. |
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Gypsy Junior Member
since 2001-06-15
Posts 20VA Coast |
I really like the deep metaphor here, but I think Hush is right, you need to elaborate more on "words come out of nothing". I like the abruptiveness of this poem and how it forces the reader to understand a double meaning without overcrowding the whole idea. This is my favorite part....very nice ending. into a world chocked full of children. To be great is to be misunderstood. Emerson |
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not_quite_clarice New Member
since 2001-06-23
Posts 1Los Angeles, California |
I think your poem would be stronger if you altered 2 things: 1. "chocked"-- isn't it supposed to be "chock-full"? I might be wrong, but either way I don't know if this is the best word to use, especially right after you use "crowned". 2. "crowned"-- maybe you want to subvert the supposed 'joy of motherhood' image in this poem by following this line with the 'chock-full' one; however, even in and of itself 'crowned' is a loaded word, in not-the-best-way. It is laced with archaic suppositions about what makes a woman-- it almost sounds as though the implication is that a woman is only defined by her vagina and in turn her vagina (and thus she) is only defined (hence crowned, i.e. given value post-facto something) by her child? I realize maybe you DO want to make this assertion in light of the comparision between the (perhaps) idea of a poet as only having value once his/her work has found fruition... but it's still risky. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Actually, I thought 'crowned' worked quite well, for all the reasons not_clarice deemed it too risky. everything's fine. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Risk is good...risk is innovative... doesn't always work though. But, I too think it works here...  K |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Anson: I must admit that, after the first time I read the poem, I didn't care for it very much. I suppose I reacted against the imagery (the "almost ugly way" Yeshujah mentioned). After giving the subject some thought, I began to find the simile more and more interesting. I suppose, from the point of view of an outsider, another poem written by another relatively unknown poet into a sea of poems written by countless other relatively unknown poets would seem somewhat meaningless. But for some (including, hopefully, the poet) that crowning (whether figurative or literal) has very real meaning. The labor pains are almost paradoxically present with great joy. The "crowning" a rather clinical description of a process that involves a complicated mix of emotion and anticipation. I could go on but I think you might be getting my point. Thank you for an enjoyable read. Jim |
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Anson Beau Cavell Junior Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 49Ohio,US |
not_quite_clarice - I used chocked as a word play alluding to choking, technically it should be chock-full, but as my poetic license is still valid for another three years, I am trying too get my monies worth.  hush - I am working on another way of saying nothing to match the rest of the poem, just haven't found the right words yet. Kirk T Walker,YeshuJah Malikk,not_quite_clarice, Gypsy,hush,Severn,jbouder Thank you all for letting me know your thoughts on this poem. killed my Buddha, killed my Christ Killed my karma, paid the price For 27 years I've carried the welt Wie klein ist Ihre Welt? [This message has been edited by Anson Beau Cavell (edited 06-28-2001).] |
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