navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Siren Song Lost
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic Siren Song Lost Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Death of Valor
Junior Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 20
New Orleans

0 posted 2001-06-17 06:05 PM


Siren Song Lost

The girl sits bent
over her tablet.
She is scribbling
with furious intent,
but stops as abruptly
as she started, crumples
the paper, and strides to
place it by its brothers
in the cold trash-can.
The yellow tablet is glared at,
and soon follows.

Once she wrote music
with words the heavens would
praise.  Those lines of old
would dare gods to resist;
her win, a trophy-shore
of bones.  But, oh, little Siren,
country won't kill.

Kill me later - I deserve it - but for now just smile. (LJ Smith)

© Copyright 2001 EA Blevins - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2001-06-21 04:59 PM


The opening lines aren't too bad, but they aren't really very descriptive, I don't get any real idea of who she is, where she is, why she is writing....

but stops as abruptly
as she started, crumples

the two 'as' in close proximity sound bad.

The rest of the stanza is also a bit barren- it needs something, some beat or description or something. Also- why are the papers brothers? it seems like an unnecessary analogy to me- who is mother? the girl? the tablet? it stuck a bad chord in me.

the second stanza was a little too bland- and a bit confusing- i didn't understand the transition from frustration (with no supporting setting or motive) to the heavens- and the conclusion totally baffles me. She killed the loves in her life for her writing? that's the only thing I can think of, but it needs to be made more clear- I also understand the motivation for using the Siren, whose call is now lost or whatever, but it's been done too many times.

Your writing here isn't particularly bad, but I think there is a certain lack of personal flavor and zest that poems should have.

Hey you,
Standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles,
Can you feel me?
-Pink Floyd

Gypsy
Junior Member
since 2001-06-15
Posts 20
VA Coast
2 posted 2001-06-22 01:18 AM


Again I really like this poem too. I've read it on four different occasions...the only thing I would like to say is, I too am a bit confused about the transitions from her writing and a country killing. But I get the fact that her trophy is her past, which can not be reclaimed. I, however appreciate the subtle direction of the poem..how she could be anyone. A face with no name...hence poetry, music, etc. Rarely do we know the writers. I disagreee about the papers being brothers, I think this is good and a very important part of the poem. Actually I think it's my favorite line. But again this all just my opinion, to be taken or left.  

To be great is to be misunderstood. Emerson

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Siren Song Lost

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary