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Family
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Family |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
This one is a couple of years old, but I've reworked it a little: Family by Kirk T Walker Marriage is a slavery, parenthood an indentured servitude. Pray that you may have kind masters. [This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (edited 06-13-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Well, Kirk, I suppose I would have to ask if you are or have been married and are a parent. That would make all the difference in the world in this very bold statement. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Married-not at the time this was written. Parent-not a parent, but I have 2 of my own. Is this statement really SO bold? Perhaps, it is a one-sided, pessimistic view, but is it not accurate in some sense? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
It's definitely bold. Definitely bold - and presenting only one of many perspectives. It takes nuance to an extreme...in all honesty, the first two lines are good - but I think the last line is overdramatic. The word 'pray' in that context reads old-fashioned...however, it is arguable that it is also fitting as slavery and indentured servants were prominent (not to mention legal) in the time when 'let us pray' was part of the morning ritual at the breakfast table lol. It's also highly patriarchal - again fitting with that time period. I suppose that the 'pray,' then, excuses the patriarchal element, which could be greeted with resentment. Hmm...after having rambled off the top of my head..I still think it's overdramatic, but if you are to keep masters I would keep pray. Perhaps that was all intentional? If not - you could lessen the patriarchal, dramatic element by changing masters to keepers or some such thing...and submit whatever synonym for pray suits you. ('Hope' is overused though isn't it). A dilemna - at least for me. Lol. Thanks for the chance to think heh...  K[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 06-14-2001).] |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I am presently living in both these states of existence, and routinely wonder how I could have been so nutty. The truth? I'd trade my wife in, but my daughter I'd definitely keep. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kirk: Doing proverbs now, are you? I liked it. Aside from the rather harsh connotations of slavery and indentured service, I can't find fault with your line of reasoning. When you choose marriage or parenthood, you certainly do relinquish much of your freedom and neither should be entered with haste (if it can be avoided). I enjoyed thinking about this one. Thanks. Jim |
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helen smith Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 240 |
I agree Kirk I am in slavery and adore the chains that yoke us ..keeping me close to the rib from whence I came ...ahhhhhhhhh And the indentured servitude is my second greatest pleasure |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
Kirk, That does give a very bold statement. It also gives a lot to think about. I enjoyed it... Although I think if you added a little more to it that it might not seem to be so harsh...  |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I didn't reply to this at first because I couldn't think of anything constructive to say, and really, I still can't, but I'll offer my reaction, assuming that reader reaction is a prime concern in poetry.  It kind of put me off, because of the blunt approach to marriage and parenthood. Of course, I am relatively young and have not experienced these things (tho age doesn't seem to make a difference anymore, sadly enough) so maybe I am naive to the settling-down duldrums? I just kind of felt like it was a blanket statement, and that you seem to come from a one-sided standpoint and aren't really open to other opinions on the subject. (Not to say that you aren't but that's the impression the poem gave me.) On a technical note, I don't much care for these proverbial types of poems in general. They always strike me as pretentious pieces in that they are telling us what something is or what to expect in the future, like a fortune cookie, when their authors are humans who haven't the expansive knowledge to make such proclamations, which I guess ties into the reaction I described above. And on top of that, they are very plain and short, and usually don't incorporate any poetic techniques- it's basically a statement with line breaks. I realize that argueing a type of poem won't really help you rewrite it or improve it, so I'm sorry if the criticism offended anyone. everything's fine. |
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