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Critical Analysis #1
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PiXiEpUnKeR
Junior Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 49
IL, USA

0 posted 2001-06-07 11:48 PM


If I die this very moment,
I would not fret
for I have never felt
so complete, so content.

I have felt your presence on me
I vanish in your kiss
so if I die this very moment,
there'd be nothing here to miss.

We are now forced to part
our pain is mutually felt
so if I die this very moment,
no more troubles shall be dealt.

I hear your heart scream
it's too hard to close my eyes
but if I die this very moment,
promise me not to cry.

I wouldn't want to leave you
but being apart is just the same
so if I die this very moment,
please don't fill your heart with pain.

No one can hold back your visits
unlimited journeys to my grave-side
so if I die this very moment,
I'll know our love is still alive.


© Copyright 2001 Andriana Fico - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2001-06-08 04:05 AM


Uh, well, your enthusiasm is to be commended but we generally frown on multiple posts here. We'll leave them for now I guess but please refrain  from doing so again.

One question though: Are you sure you're posting in the correct forum? Are you sure you want a critical assessment of all these poems? I've briefly read through all of them and they all seem to be in the same style. As a result, much of the criticism you'll receive will likely be the same as well. Not sure how productive that will be to you as a writer.

Maybe leave one here and move the rest around a bit?

Just a suggestion,
Brad

PS Please let me know your decision.

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
2 posted 2001-06-08 04:09 AM


I just checked your profile and it says you do not encourage critiques. I think you just posted in the wrong forum (no big deal; it's easy to do).  This is the forum for critiques of course.

Tell me or Pete what to do here.

Thanks,
Brad

PiXiEpUnKeR
Junior Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 49
IL, USA
3 posted 2001-06-08 10:18 AM


Actually, I'm a new writer, and I'm not familiar with the "ways" of this forum. I didn't know on my profile that I could change it. I do want to be critiqued on my poems please. Thanks...
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
4 posted 2001-06-08 11:05 AM


Hi Pixie,

First off, welcome to CA. It is good to see some enthusiasm here. But, after reading your response,  I should expand a little on Brad's comments.

To change your profile, on a banner-like thing at the top of the screen there is a menu. Click on the "Member's Help Area" option. Then select "Change Your Profile" from the list that next appears. If you don't have your cookies set up you will have to give your username and password to get into the profile. Once there, scroll down near the bottom and you will find a check box requesting "Encourage Critiques". Check the Yes buttom and you are set.

As Brad said, the whole purpose of this forum is critiques. Anything posted in here is likely to be analyzed whether critiques are requested or not.

Finally, CA is a rather slow moving forum, just due to its intended purpose. I think you will generally find that everyone has limited time to study the poetry posted. The result is that if you post too much at a time, some of them will probably not get the attention they deserve. In fact, one active poem per author is what you will usually find works out best.

Again, welcome to the forum. Hope to hear a lot more from you.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

PiXiEpUnKeR
Junior Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 49
IL, USA
5 posted 2001-06-08 11:49 AM


Thanks for letting me know the ways of CA. I appreciate it.
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