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Critical Analysis #1
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Walking my dogs 2
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Walking my dogs 2 |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands 
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I tried to listen to your critic analysis and put them in this second version and at the same time not loose the essence of the first poem. I hope I succeeded a little. Walking my dogs It's that time of night to walk my dogs I don't want to because it's raining but four eyes staring at me two tailes swaying, ready to go they don't care about the rain I put on my coat, the collar up and step outside in a deep poole my feet all wet, I curse the dogs but both don't care about my feelings and off I go to walk the path they know so well, I hear them not but they are close, snooping around the rain has stopped and I look up at the sky above and hold my breath thousands of stars are shining down and suddenly I realize why I choose to live here in open countryside I call my dogs and home we go I praise them well for reminding me but they don't really care, I think Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Titia Geertman - All Rights Reserved | |||
Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
I agree, not as strong as the first version. Find a happy medium if you can  |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
When I suggested that you tell us what the dogs didn't care about, I meant that you should present their thoughts as a metaphor. I think the reader can understand that the dogs don't care about the rain or the whatever else, but what is the rain like to the dogs or (to satisfy jenni what does it SEEM like it might seem like to the dogs through the poet's eyes?I think agree that the shorter line breaks do seem to work better, perhaps to make it seem less prosey. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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