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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Focusing on the hairs of my index finger, I examine these cattails in the shallow Swamp near the shore, feel the beads Of perspiration explode on my forehead, Pray for a shower or an outside enema -- Anything that rubs these cells from my skin. This pungence has no central orifice, it surrounds And overwhelms, it depresses in the same way The gale from a tropical storm invigorates It creates the need for its own extinction, Leaves those forced to function in its presence A question without courage that cannot be thought, A question squashed in plumes of baby powder. No, methane is a greenhouse gas but the greenhouse Misnomer misses the loss in extirpation In the same way that repetitive bathroom humor Inhibits and denies a different kind of laughter. I am bored with truth, transcendence, and rapture, With the same routine hygiene and linear progression. No, let me trip and fall Into a dessicated wetland Or be sprayed with a yellow-brown muck While I finish changing The diaper on my daughter. [This message has been edited by Brad (edited 05-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Anson Beau Cavell Junior Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 49Ohio,US |
An exasperating poem of reality's disfunction. Most effective, Thank you. |
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Anson Beau Cavell Junior Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 49Ohio,US |
An exasperating poem of reality's disfunction. Most effective, Thank you. killed my Buddha, killed my Christ |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
ROFL!  |
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Joricho Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 56Australia |
Brad I read this three times, then had a laugh. And then sat here thinking "Is perspiration mis-spelled for some profound poetic reason that I am completely missing?" Is it? Not sure about the question "squashed" - maybe smothered? |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
"A question without courage that cannot be thought, A question squashed in plumes of baby powder." I adore these lines- keep 'squashed' right where it is- it adds to the sense of squalor- One thing that I had a bit of a problem with was the use of 'these' in line 2- it confuses me, b/c it makes it seems like the previously mentioned hairs are a metaphor for the now mentioned cattails, and the shallow swamp, the skin- I don't know if this was intended- but I think using 'the' instead would clear up confusion- and on the other hand, if it was a metaphor, maybe strengthen it a bit. Other than that, I like this- it's one of those poems you read and re-read to fully understand. If I had a soul I sold it |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks for the kind comments. Joricho, I wish I had some profound reasoning to give you there but it's a mistake. Thanks for pointing that out, I missed that. Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: The yellowish-brown muck will solidify in a few months, but that is not necessarily a good thing. You think the "greenhouse gases" are offensive now ...  To be honest with you, when I began reading the poem, I thought you were laying the overstatement on a little heavy. But after getting to the end, and after re-reading the poem with the context in mind, I couldn't help but to appreciate the "beads of sweat" and the careful examination of your "index finger" (my assumption is that you were inspecting for traces of the yellowish-brown muck). I've been down that pike. I liked it. It made me think. Thanks for the read. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Ha-ha-ha-a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Very well put, Brad My wholehearted congratulations, by the way, Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 06-02-2001).] |
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Sundown Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 16does it really matter? |
this is great... sometimes I am amazed by how there is poetry in everything... |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
At the risk of sounding pompous, superficial, and arrogant, let me risk a sound bite: A poet already sees poetry in everything, the trick is getting others to see it. Brad PS Not to self: need to discuss possibilities of overstatement with Jim. |
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