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Critical Analysis #1
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YeshuJah Malikk
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263


0 posted 2001-05-16 10:06 AM


greedy heads tout bliss so-called
tryn-a sell it at the mall
ware sales fail
to deliver the tiniest sliver
of hope
then call canabis dope
drowned it in piss pour reviews
routinely twist it in knots
not scientific
not substantiated
not corroborated
and absolutely
not founded
upon truths
hideous brutes
at the gates of middle
schools get caught
in the pickle of searching for
killer I days
bought and paid for
by taxpayers hand me them
trickle down plans
and trickle dung stance
the beans are askance
forget the hows and whys
of routinely putrid lies
fronted as his story
told by him
to the children of sin
done in at a time when salvation
is back in
churches inhabited by deal
monsters

Go
a
head
and
an
a
lies
this.


© Copyright 2001 YeshuJah Malikk - All Rights Reserved
Kurt Rhys
Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23

1 posted 2001-05-16 02:27 PM


Ah, Rap, is it now, and, big surprise, angry Rap! How original! Don't believe it when they tell you that less is more. After all, why change a proven formula.
Marq
Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222

2 posted 2001-05-16 06:34 PM


I like the style.  It's intelligent and well-thought out -- bold and creative.  I think if you switched to a more lyrical approach it might be even better.  

I enjoyed it.  Well worth the read!

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
3 posted 2001-05-16 10:51 PM


This does have a rap-like flow, I think.  I am pretty busy with finals, so I just wanted to drop in and say that I hope "Analyze this" isn't the title, because all I could think about was Robert Dinero crying.  Anyway, maybe, I'll critique later in more detai.

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.


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