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Death in the Afternoon
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Death in the Afternoon |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"Death in the Afternoon" Why did Hemingway blow his brains out? Did he leave a note? What did it say? What should it have said? Someone said it said: "Can't write, can't screw. What else is there?" What indeed? Did he really write that? They gave him shock therapy? Why in God's name? And at the Mayo Clinic no less. In modern day such medieval medicine. Did they bleed him too? Was he that depressed? Was he drunk at the time? Was he sober afterward? Did he believe in reincarnation? Has he been reincarnated? Is he happy now? Would he change his mind? Will he do it again? Has he done it again? "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Coyote, I think you and I are beginning a whole new forum for reflection on writers.  I dig this one Hemingway is another of my favorites. I like the part about his note, can personally do without "Did he really write that?" Is the part about him being drunk or sober in reference to the shock therapy or his suicide? If it is about his suicide perhaps you could rearrange the part about the clinic. Anyway I like the ideas here maybe a little tweeking. As always just a humble suggestion. J Jason |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I don't know what was in Hemingway's suicide note, but I think he did leave one. I heard one of the things he said was 'I can make everyone happy but myself'. But I don't know how true that is. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
coyote- i'm not a big hemingway fan, but i did enjoy this poem. i really like some of the images that you've presented in here, but if i get a little insane in my critique, it's only because i was forced to become the virtual authority on hemingway last year, and that made me dislike him a lot, so bear with me. i don't believe that he did believe in reincarnation. he held as you know what he called the "nada concept." fairly existentialist, which sort of makes his suicide fairly hypocritical. i think the nada concept is something that should definitely be incorporated in your poem, since it deals so much with his death. also, just because i have this well of hemingway knowledge, did you know that he was the first american casualty in the first world war? he was serving on the italian side (before america even became involved) and was hit by i believe 127 pieces of shrapnel, a few of which caused him to lsoe his left testicle? another thing, big game hunting v. suicide? the biggest game of all  overall, i think it's pretty good poem, but you seem to be able to write a few of those. keep them coming. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
J.L. I see what you mean about the clinic. Yes, I meant to ask was he drinking at the time he turned the shotgun on himself. But also, asking did the shock therapy contribute to this finale. Marq, Nobody has determined for certain if he left a note. Perhaps he felt the act itself was statement enough. That's why I asked the question did he really write that. Roxane, Hemingway was a reporter, soldier, vagabond/artiste and outdoorsman who wrote almost entirely from personal experience. I was just wondering with this piece, if his option of suicide might have been prompted by a strange set of circumstances, essentially one of those times when we go beyond thought to examine the psychological moment through experience. I just felt a piece about Hemingway should appropriately ask more questions than it answered. Thanks for your kind remarks everybody. I'm afraid I have broken the rules by also posting this piece in Dark #3. But like Ernest, I am a gentleman, so I will understand if the thread gets closed here too. Billy  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-10-2001).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I am not a big Hemmingway scholar. However, I thought that the line of questioning/wondering in this poem developed itself in such as way as to be meaningful/poetic. The ending is by far the best part of the peice: "Will he do it again? Has he done it again?" What a thought! I would change "Someone SAID it SAID" I would lose "What indeed?" because it seems redundant Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Kirk, Thanks for your reply. The "Someone said it said:" line I felt gave the words to follow a sort of "hearsay evidence" tone, rather than presenting something one might believe as gospel truth. And the "What else indeed", should have really been presented as a statement rather than a question, since it is my personal expression of agreement with the preceeding alleged contents of his note. So I'm keeping The "he said she said" thing, and putting an exclamation mark rather than a question mark behind, "What indeed!" Appreciate your comments. Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i thought this was different...yet a very interesting read...i liked it...thanks for the share..  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Albert. Sort of an experimental style I suppose. |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi coyote, This was quite unique and interesting, even though (call me a wierdo!) I've never read anything by Hemingway. The tone I found a little odd at first, but then I got into it and started to like it more and more. Did you intend it to have that irreverent feel to it? I'm going to assume so because it can't have been unintentional. It adds interest, I thought, by creating incongruence between the subject and the sarcastic tone. Neat. Ashley |
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Alaynna New Member
since 2001-05-14
Posts 1 |
I found this to be a very evocative reference to the Hemingway style in both the terseness of the questions posed by the poet, and the nontraditional flow of the words. It also touches on the interesting fact that although he apparently left no formal suicide note, in retrospect his suicide seems to be foreshadowed in many of his writings. "There is no lonelier man than the writer when he is writing except the suicide... If he has written well everything that is him has gone into the writing and he faces another morning when he must do it again. There is always another morning and another morning." I thought this poem was very effective. |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks for your comments, Ashley. The "irreverance" as you have described it, was intentional, in that I wanted the reader to focus on that cold objective train of thought the questions ask, simple and childlike, yet bearing an irrefutable air of truth which all childlike questioning seems to have. Cutting through the complexity to the quick, and in so doing, creating even more of an enigma. Billy Alyanna, I'm glad you brought up Ernest's quote about suicide. It describes how he viewed the creative process of writing and lends more than a small amount of credence to the alleged contents of his note, "What else is there?" I believe he could have written such a note based on this quote alone, but found it hard to work something like that into the poem, other than in the question: "Did he really write that?" And yes, the style of this was an attempt on my part to write in "Ernest". I appreciate you noticing my efforts, however lacking. I would also like to say that Hemingway's suicide, although violent, was I believe, his last act as a gentleman, for a gentleman always knows how to read the handwriting on the wall, and bow out. Thanks, Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-14-2001).] |
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Joricho Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 56Australia |
I too found that I got into this as it went along. Can I suggest a bit of punctuation just to slow it down and make it a tad more reflective? (Not TOO reflective, of course!) How about: What, indeed! and: Why, in God's name? (and at the Mayo Clinic no less). But it may mess with your groove!! Cool poem! Jo Many waters cannot quench love, |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Jo. The punctuation you've suggested would be more effective/refelective. I find that most of my poetry reads too quickly, simply because there are few words. This piece is also new ground for me, and much of its effectiveness is based on the "shock value" each word or phrase has. Thanks for the suggestion. Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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