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A Good Friday
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Good Friday |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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1 Awaiting destinies dealt hand, He asks, "must I be held as a martyr, is there not way other than sacrifice? I am a preacher (pacifist) not (Padrig Pearse) the revolutionary terrorist?" "Self preservation scars me as the nails soon will. Damn this faith I am not the prototype of a rock star going down in a blaze, (a Kamikaze Christ), to fortify salvation for the agnostic souls". 2 Even in cowardice I can't help but be envious of this immortal who welcomes death. By his Turin I nestled whispering Counsel and condolence; for what It is worth (these words make revelation.) So we bleed, as all brave men must to prove their worth, mine is weak lust (vacant trespasses) conceited. Your agony flowers with devoted purpose, Embrace this conquest, rise above us (pigs in dust). 3 This Last Supper of fish, a final kiss from Judas. It was a simple act made more humbling by Roman humiliation. Friday is a good day… on which to live or die. There's a feeling of contentment Now that you are here I feel satisfied I belong |
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| © Copyright 2001 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Brian Some nice moments in this, but generally I’m afraid it left me rather cold. Perhaps the main reason is that the poem really didn’t seem to say anything very new about what are already well dissected emotions arising from is a very old and well documented story. A small error in the first line maybe. The “dealt hand” of destiny? - “destiny’s? I’ll try and get back later with more detail, out of time right now. F |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
My comments: Basically the first stanza seems more or less knowledgeable and has a good overall sound. It seems to borrow a little from Jesus Christ Superstar (jesus as a rockstar). I thought the poem started downhill after the first stanza as far as knowledge and sound are concerned. I agree with furlong that this is a very often done theme and you need to really strive to approach it from an original angle if a poem is really going to work. I would lose the closing line. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
furlong, firstly thanks for your comments. "left me rather cold" never a good sign with a poem. I know religion is an overly used (to the point of being a cliche) topic in poetry, damn I am very guilty of that but being catholic (not practising) it is an area of interest, to say the least. Perhaps it might help if I explain what I set out to achieve. Most of my religious poems dealt with the narrow mindedness of organised religion but here I wanted to show a sense of reverence and also explore the theme of martyrdom, of dying young and becoming in a sense immortal like Jim Morrison or Ian Curtis. Also I was a documentary on Padrig Pearse, who was a main spokesman for the Irish rebels in the 1916 rising. He saw himself as a martyr for the cause like Jesus, in some ways, did for human salvation. Thanks for your comments they were greatly appreciated. Cheers. Kirk, thanks for the in put. The poem was written after a bit of writer's block. May be I need to go back to the drawing board with this one. Thanks for the comments they have been really helpful. There's a feeling of contentment Now that you are here I feel satisfied I belong |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Ok Brian, the details: 1 Awaiting destinies dealt hand, >>> “destinies(y’s) dealt hand” is to me almost verging on cliche. You might have got away with it in the body of the poem but as an opener it signals something predictable to follow which kind of (unfairly) raises an expectation of possible mediocrity. He asks, "must I be held as a martyr, is there not way other than sacrifice? >>> these two lines reinforce that impression unfortunately, by simply telling the story. Surely it’s a “given” by now that as soon as we read the words “good Friday” we skip to “sacrifice” “martyr” “propitiation” etc etc .. to be reminded of this in the first three lines of the poem is a bit of a turn off? I am a preacher (pacifist) not (Padrig Pearse) the revolutionary terrorist?" >>> ok, a shift here. I quite like the twist back/forward in time and the incidental implication thereby that time itself is an irrelevance to the Christ. I think the allusion worked ok, most people wont know Padrig (I had to look him up), but the Irishness of the name and the context is sufficient I think. I’m not sure about the parenthesises - in fact they seems to get in the way and detract from meaning - I cant quite figure out why you used them, what am I missing? "Self preservation scars me as the nails soon will. Damn this faith I am not the prototype of a rock star going down in a blaze, (a Kamikaze Christ), to fortify salvation for the agnostic souls". >>> apart from the last line of this stanza which was kind of neat this came over to me as bordering on a rant and a particularly predictable one at that. “Damn this faith.....” really does suggest a kinda self righteous suffering .. kind of like “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” type of line - maybe this is what you intended, but for me the messages and tones of this poem are too mixed generally for you to get away with it. 2 Even in cowardice I can't help but be envious of this immortal who welcomes death. By his Turin I nestled whispering Counsel and condolence; for what It is worth (these words make revelation.) So we bleed, as all brave men must to prove their worth, mine is weak lust (vacant trespasses) conceited. Your agony flowers with devoted purpose, Embrace this conquest, rise above us (pigs in dust). >>> again I quite like the movement back to the first person speaker but then really all these two stanzas achieve is surely a rehearsal of a mortal’s guilt over another’s suffering for him and a repetition of the wonder of the supreme sacrifice. I am still struggling to decide whether I can live with the oxymoronic line “ this immortal who welcomes death”, but I guess that in the context of what is still a “mysterious and unexplained” series of events, it works. >>> “pigs in dust” ...apart from jolting the reader with an unexpected image and a possible ironic thrust at the “miserable sinners” line taken by most mainstream religion, I’m not sure why you used this here? 3 This Last Supper of fish, a final kiss from Judas. >>> mere narrative? It was a simple act >>> obviously, but so what? made more humbling by Roman humiliation. >>> we know this Friday is a good day…… on which to live or die. >>> this line has the air of a line written first? First the closure, then the remainder of the poem written “up” to it (or at least the final stanza?). There may be nothing wrong with that approach, but when the reader actually perceives it then there is probably an imbalance somewhere which needs correcting. Perhaps in this case its merely that the simplicity (dare I say banality) of the final line contrasts with the apparent complexities of the remainder. >>> you’ve tackled a very difficult subject and all credit to you for doing so, but as I say, the lack of originality (despite the contemporary parallels) spoils it for me. And anyway I know you can do a lot better - I’ve been reading! >>> thanks for taking my original comments constructively  F |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Furlong thanks for taking the time to delve so deep into my poem your comments were very helpful and I have attempted rewrites but I feel that maybe the poem was never going to fully work to begin with. This is the latest version, focusing more on the martyr aspect which is what I wanted the poem to be about in the first place. If anyone has any further comments they would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance. ------------------------------ A Good Friday 1 Not yet the reverence of modernity, the first apostle pleads "is there not way other than self sacrifice? I am a preacher pacifist not Padrig Pearse, the revolution terrorist?" "I am not the prototype rock star, a Kamikaze Christ going down in a glorious haze, to fortify salvation for damned agnostics". 2 He set the stage for Curtis and Morrison, dead in their prime before their legacy could tainted by time. By his Turin I nestled whispering Counsel and condolence; for what It is worth (these words make revelation.) So we bleed, as all brave men must to prove their worth, my bleeding is weak lust (vacant trespasses) conceited. Your agony flowers with devoted purpose Except your thorn crown, immortal martyr 3 Friday is a good day on which to die. "across the unfair divide |
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