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Forsaken Past
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Forsaken Past |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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You were given a life- By two of your own being, Leaving your shadows strife, To the ending you cling… Ronil (Inspiration for my poems is all around me for my muse is my reality.) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Short and abstract. Are the first two lines about birth (two of your own being are parents?)? After that it gets harder to interpret. I thought maybe the whole thing was about birth at first. Then I thought it was maybe about being born and looking forward to death (to the ending you cling). Maybe the elipsis indicate that life will now take over? I don't really know, but at least I tried. Anyway, I liked the poem, I wasn't sure what it all meant, but that didn't necessarily matter. I might respond to this one again after I think about it some more. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
OK without trying to sound evil something about the phrasing of the second line bothered me "By two of your own being", for me it seems to go against the flow of the poem, not the image, just the wording. I think it just needs a little punch suggestions "by twins of your making" "by siamese of your Shade" Other than that I really enjoyed the read, I just think for something so short you need a powerful hook line. There's a feeling of contentment Now that you are here I feel satisfied I belong |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
xeonox-- um...kind of yoda-like in style, which i guess either works for ya or it doesn't (it doesn't for me). i don't get how anyone's clinging to the end of life has anything to do with life being a gift from "two of your own being" (a really bizarre, awkward phrase) or with forsaking the past. oh well. jenni |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
its short and nice i really liked it.. keep writing   ...?[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-20-2001).] |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
Thanks albert and everyone else. A writer defends his ground on the basis that his mind is sane. Thank you for all your criticism and compliments. Xeonox Ronil (Inspiration for my poems is all around me for my muse is my reality.) |
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Zyell Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 121USA |
this is a little abstract, but I think that's what makes it spin. Because one goes hmmmm, now what does this mean, and then you really start to think! That to me is a good thing. ~grin~ Z |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
But this one doesn't work for me. You let the rhymes get in the way of the theme which is too big anyway. Show this, don't tell us about it. Just an opinion, Brad |
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