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Scarabs
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Scarabs |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
A scarab rolls its ball of dung, Going somewhere in the desert. But I don't know where that where is. It looks inefficient and yet those Before and after Akhenaten Saw Ra, the roller of the sun. If you close your eyes, you can hear Something like movement. A man, brown skin, thin and mustached, Stood in the middle of the desert, Shielded his eyes from the wind and the dust. He stood alone between the sand dunes, He stared waiting for something But what can happen here? He turned and noticed being studied, paused, And accused me in silence: Usurper. If you close your eyes you don't have To listen to the movement. Out of the corner of perception, In a blur of dyslexic acuity, You'll notice that those you pass Are passing for someone else: Instead of eyes, crimson spheres of glass that hide unsaid thoughts and hint Chaos behind a smile. They do not always wait in the desert Or roll like Ra, the winged one. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hey Brad Great poem. I like the " If you close your eyes, you can hear Something like movement." Great set of lines it ties sight and movement to listening. Wonderful kind of like people who where glasses who cann't hear when they do not wear them. A man, brown skin, thin and mustached, Stood in the middle of the desert, Shielded his eyes from the wind and the dust. He stood alone between the sand dunes, He stared waiting for something But what can happen here? He turned and noticed being studied, paused, And accused me in silence: Usurper. "Out of the corner of perception, In a blur of dyslexic acuity, You'll notice that those you pass Are passing for someone else: Instead of eyes, crimson spheres of glass that hide unsaid thoughts and hint Chaos behind a smile." This stanza is very very strong the imagery is cataclysmic " The corner of perception/dyslexic acuity" Blind in the dessert Wonderful parallel imagery of people passing and the dung beatle pushing it's ****. Everybody has **** to do They do not always wait in the desert Or roll like Ra, the winged one. Maybe i do not get the poem completly but the closing lines fall flat comapred to the preciding stanza. Having said this I will re-read the poem further. See YA |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
you couldn't just come back quietly could you?  okay, brad, i think it's safe to say i've read a fair majority of your poems posted here, and i have to say as well, this is definitely one of my favorites. why? i think it can be summed up in the line: If you close your eyes you don't have To listen to the movement. A scarab rolls its ball of dung, Going somewhere in the desert. But I don't know where that where is. It looks inefficient and yet those Before and after Akhenaten Saw Ra, the roller of the sun. i might be wrong here, but wasn't Akhenaten the pharoah who tried to turn the egyptians monotheist? didn't he only want worship of aten? i have to find this out, because i think that will add a whole other dimension to this poem for me. But what can happen here? is this sarcastic? i think so. i hope so. Out of the corner of perception, In a blur of dyslexic acuity, You'll notice that those you pass Are passing for someone else: Instead of eyes, crimson spheres of glass that hide unsaid thoughts and hint Chaos behind a smile. They do not always wait in the desert Or roll like Ra, the winged one. and the part that i like best confuses me the most. i love the image here, brad. it's so you, your style (of course it's your style, you wrote it, but you know what i mean, don't you?) do you know what i think about when i read this, and i bet i'm way off, but i think of afghanistan. i think of the women, and if you close your eyes... that seems to work. the man standing in the desert (metaphorical or otherwise) seems to call you a usurper because... you aren't like him? you represent the "movement"? let me know how wrong i am. if just for the images, it's almost like a watercolor of hell, i love it. |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
“Ra: The God of the sun. In the Fifth Dynasty Ra emerges from a minor deity to the primary solar deity of the time and creation occurs when the combined deity of Ra-Sekhmet-Bast splits into three. Ra is shown as a golden man, sometimes with a scarab beetle for a head.” "Akhenaten: It was very common for kings to be called "Son of the sun god" and Akhenaten added to this description "The beautiful child of the Aten". It was in Akhetaten that he composed the poetic Hymn to Aten, thought to be very similar to Psalms 104, possibly giving rise to Sigmund Freud's theory that Akhenaten was actually Moses. Soon after he moved to the new city in his seventh or eighth year, about two years after the building started, he completely banned the worship of all other gods, destroyed monuments of Amun-Re, condemned the worship of idols, stating that the Aten was an abstract god who created himself daily, and could not be depicted by idols, but only as a symbol." Despite a limited amount research much of the allusion in this is no doubt lost on me which is a pity, but I suspect not necessarily terminal! Part of the mark of a “good” poem imho is that it should be able to appeal to as wide a readership as possible in a way that somehow changes thought and perception or at least stimulates it. If the vast majority of readers are distracted or dismayed by their inability to comprehend because of overly obscure allusion, then maybe the poet has failed? The connection between the Egyptian Pharoh Akhenaten and the sun god Aten or Ra (although perhaps they are not quite synoymous) is quite evident. Also references to wings and scarabs pick up on historical observations, but so far I’m somewhat at a loss to pin down what exactly “the point” of these allusions is. Happily I don’t think that it much matters. The movement in the poem, generated extremely well by the use of form (varying stanza lengths and even a single words stanza) together with switches from past to present and back, is alone sufficient to pique the reader’s interest and start a chain of thought towards various metaphoric interpretations. In addition to this you have some rather thought provoking lines and phrases: “dyslexic acuity” being one of my favorite. What tension there is in those two words placed together like that, and what possibilities and truth (the movie Rain Man springs to mind for instance), and yet the phrase describes so well the physical sensation of fresh perception gained through a blurrily observed world - like vision through the corner of an eye from a fast moving train, or moving stick men in flicking through a note pad. Right now a single interpretation takes second place to the enjoyment of the possibilities. Thank you. [This message has been edited by furlong (edited 04-16-2001).] |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
brad-- what a lovely image in your first line! your poem's quite interesting, brad, although to be honest i don't know quite what to make of it. from the ugly little bug with its ball of dung to an egyptian sun-god, from purposeful, timeless dung-plodding to smiling chaos in a blur of dyslexic acuity, you have a lot of movement here. and in the middle, a man standing motionless in the desert. people (or "those you pass") "do not always wait in the desert / Or roll like Ra, the winged one." i think -- i think -- i understand this, at least i think i can 'feel' it in a way that i can't quite articulate. a couple of things i can articulate, lol, in no particular order: it's interesting how in the first two full stanzas, you begin with a very specific image, a scarab rolling its ball of dung (very particular, a scarab, not just any old bug, lol, and very pithy), and a man, brown skin, thin and mustached (again, not just any old guy), but in both cases, you follow this with something quite vague: the scarab is "going somewhere in the desert", and the man "stood in the middle of the desert", this last in particular almost merely a figure of speech. i'm sure you intended this. it had a somewhat disconcerting effect on me, but i guess it did get me thinking right away about the philosophical or allegorical meaning of the scarab and the man. i didn't understand why the man in the desert considers the speaker a "usurper." there ya go. totally, utterly beyond me. undoutbtedly this is another case of jenni being dense, lol. on a more practical level, i thought it was odd that the man stood in the desert, stood staring waiting for something to happen, noticed the speaker, turned and "paused." paused from what? how do you "pause" from staring out into the distance? i didn't picture a whole lot of movement here in the first place. at first read, the last three lines of the third big stanza came across as an incomplete thought, it was a little jarring. you have to go back and 'see' the implied subject and verb: "instead of eyes, [they have] crimson spheres of glass (etc.)" that wasn't apparent to me at first. not a big deal, just something i noticed. i also thought it was odd that the third big stanza there, full of eye and vision images, comes just after the lines "if you close your eyes, you don't have to listen to the movement." i thought the speaker's relationship to things was interesting. he can see the scarab, but doesn't know where it is going. he can see the man in the desert, but doesn't know what the man is waiting for (although the speaker seems to know that the man is "waiting"). the speaker does, however, have insight on "those you pass," he sees an interesting relationship or dynamic (those you pass are passing for someone else), and knows that their eyes hide unsaid thoughts and hint Chaos behind a smile. this, to me, was the heart of the poem, and its most satisfying aspect. another thing i really liked was the obesrvation in the first stanza, that the toiling scarab "looks inefficient and yet those / before and after Akhenaten / saw Ra, roller of the sun." a very cool thought nicely epxressed. anywhere, there ya go. to me, the poem was kind of like the Sphinx: out there in "the middle of the desert," a beautiful riddle. thanks for a great read, jenni |
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svandersaar Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 40 |
Most of my ‘corrections’ are punctuation based, so look closely. Also, the capitalization of the first letter of each line is inconsistent and unnecessary. I feel it reads better they way I’ve rewritten it below. Other adjustments are indicated line by line. A scarab rolls its ball of dung, going somewhere in the desert. But I don't know where that where is. This sentence should be rephrased. However, I think the reworking would be more effectual in your hands, Brad, so I didn’t touch it. It looks inefficient, and yet those Before and After Akhenaten saw Ra, the roller of the sun. If you close your eyes, you can hear something like movement. Wonderful!  A man -- brown skin, thin and mustached -- stood in the middle of the desert; shielded his eyes from the wind and the dust. He stood alone between the sand dunes. He stared waiting for something. But what can happen here? Turning, he became aware of his examination, paused, And accused me in silence: The repetition of ‘He…’ became tedious in the third line, and the following words struggle over themselves. The above is my approach to its rewording. Usurper. I think ‘Usurper’ should be emphasized; the italicized letters is a subtle enough mean. If you close your eyes you don't have to listen to the movement. This line alone is WONDERFUL! Although the echo was meant to produce movement and connection, when coupled with its counterpart, this line it loses its effectiveness. Out of the corner of perception, in a blur of dyslexic acuity, you'll notice that those you pass are passing for someone else; instead of eyes: crimson spheres of glass that hide unsaid thoughts and hint chaos behind a smile. They do not always wait in the desert or roll like Ra, the winged one. You need to work on your message (which was not totally clear), and visual aesthetics, but overall, this was a great poem! Stacey |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
A quick thanks to everyone. Roxanne, watercolor of hell -- I loved that Tony, Hmmm, the last two lines were there to bring everything together -- perhaps its too clear? Jenny, That you felt the connections but couldn't quite articulate them is a great compliment. Thanks. Furlong, Same to you, a poem works first on a visceral level and only second on an interpretive one. At least, that's what I think. Stacey, Hope you can hang around for a while because we have very different ideas on aesthetics. This could get fun. Brad |
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