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On Our Backs
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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On Our Backs |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
On Our Backs by Kirk T Walker The sky was a black bowl We laid on our backs And tried not to fall into the universe Which was speckled with brilliant little stars But which was mostly darkness. [This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (edited 04-14-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nicely written i've noticed that you like writing in short poem.nice job keep writing  and don't get me wrong i ain't like that lol  [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-14-2001).] |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Kirk You have a nice way with metaphor and a great line in suggestive writing. Thank you for this. Just one small point. Is the apparently ungrammatical use of “lied” in the second line a deliberate and clever piece of double meaning suggesting dishonesty as well as posture, or is it an error? F |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
furlong: Nice catch on the "lied". I hadn't noticed it. I have fixed the error. Thanks a lot for pointing it out. I was not intended to be a hint toward dishonesty, but an intersting read. Thanks for your helpful critique. [This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (edited 04-14-2001).] |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
Kirk- hi! i don't even know if i can come up with any criticism for this poem, because i like it so much. the unique comparison of the sky to a black bowl, the biting and despairing, though almost apathetic last line here are my thoughts, then, since i have no real crits. okay, the sky is a big black bowl. what do we do with bowls? generally, we mix things in them. are you talking about the cosmos being the birthplace of all life, that something out there created everything. laying on their backs would suggest that these people are not clinging to earth but they're not trying to leave it either, my question then: is the universe really that big black bowl or is it the natural and cruel order of things? then you go on the say that the universe is speckled with little brilliant stars. again, are those stars literal or figurative? are they the happy things that nature brings us, like children and flowers and other cliches, or are they the literal stars? finally, in your wonderful last line, the speaker says, almost without emotion, that in spite of those little stars, it is mostly darkness, not blackness like the primordial bowl, but darkness, something sinister. great work, poet. i love it. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
roxane: Pretty deep stuff! ha ha I had a professor who taught American lit who always said the reader is entitled to anything that is in the text. So, I guess if you want the bowl to be for mixing, you go for it! Mix it all up. But really I was just trying for the image firstly and then for the effect. By the effect I mean basically a more generic version of what you said. The universe/existence/whatever is mostly darkness/emptiness/badness/etc. with speckles of goodness and light. It is important to appreciate the bright points and not become overwhelmed by the darkness. Thanks for putting so much thought into your response. I hope I haven't ruined the poem for you by revealing my interpretation. |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
YW Kirk .Roxane's critique was interesting in that she set out some of the many possible interpretations. I started out doing the same thing initially and rapidly formed the view that this was one of those pieces where you just let the possibilities "flow over you" or "into you" and don't wory too much about "what the poet meant". The poem, in my opinion, has a kind of universal application, by which I mean every individual will "see" something different and maybe each interpretation, tempered by experience and circumstance, will vary. Possibly it will even alter for each person from reading to reading - certainly Roxane's ideas gave me a few further thoughts. Anyway, I'm one of those readers who inclines towards believing that there is no such thing as a "right" reading of a poem, and this poem was a nice example of how, if you believe otherwise, you'll soon be driven nuts! F [This message has been edited by furlong (edited 04-15-2001).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
furlong: I agree with you that there is no "right" or "wrong" interpretation as long as you can show evidence from the text that supports your interpretation. Thanks a lot for your comments. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
And this one fell flat for me. Of course, it could be that 'the Money Pit' set up an expectation that wasn't met here, I didn't see much that interested me. I like Roxanne's interpretation and some of the other ideas presented here but thought that the work doesn't really make me want to do that. Maybe if you made it a bit longer and offer more than the one image. Thanks for mentioning that an interpretation needs textual evidence to support it. If not, you don't have to read the poem. Brad |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Brad: Well, I don't expect everyone to like them all. Thanks for being honest. I'm glad you liked "The Money Pit". Thanks for the comments. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hi kirk-- i liked this piece, i thought it had a nice 'feel'. i thought the last two lines were a little wordy, perhaps, mainly because of the repetition of "which was"; maybe if you changed "the universe" to "a universe" and got rid of "which was" in the following line, you'd have a tighter poem. i don't know, see what ya think. thanks for a good read! jenni |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
Kirk This is an excellent poem, short and sweet. I like the way that the line "I tried not to fall into the universe" makes you think about life. Because in actual fact we all fall into the universe the moment we are born. It is an amazing poem with metaphors, whitty lines and clever uses of words, keep up all the good work! Truly appreciative Kicking Kim |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
jenni and kim: Thanks for the comments! |
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