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A Different World
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Different World |
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shadydaze Member
since 2000-10-02
Posts 85 |
A new town with new places new people new faces to crowded streets from wide-open spaces. My old town with old places my old friends same old faces to crowded streets from wide-open spaces. Sounds of traffic all through the night the airport nearby planes taking flight from star-filled skies to endless street lights. Sounds of crickets all through the night whippoorwill calling such tranquil delight from star-filled skies to unending street lights. |
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| © Copyright 2001 shadydaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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shadydaze Member
since 2000-10-02
Posts 85 |
i came from the country to the city. i miss my farm, what a pity... |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Since I wrote the crit hereunder you've posted your two line reply, which in fact is a neat precis of the poem - I guess that I feel the the poem doesn't add that much to the precis! Anyway here's my two cents worth: You obviously have a grasp of rhyme and structure, because this poem has some logic in its form and rhyme scheme which to some extent rescues it from becoming rather like a "diary entry". Its other plus point is that there is at least an attempt at some pleasant imagery. Against that though is the fact that it doesn't say much other than "I was in the countryside, now I'm in the town". Also although the images are there, they are not presented in an original way - a way which would grab the reader's attention. IMHO you need to do two main things with this poem. Firstly find something to SAY. You hint at the opening that this is a change in circumstances which the speaker is not happy about - perhaps you could develop that? A poem should strive for "newness" even if it's simply an old idea presented in a new way. Secondly, you perhaps need to try and find one or two more original phrases - phrases which would allow your readers to SEE the star filled skies and HEAR the whippoorwill. But this is a good start; best of luck, and thank you! [This message has been edited by furlong (edited 04-13-2001).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I found myself singing this by the time I was done. Perhaps it could be set to music. I totally felt this way when I begin to commute to the university. I lived on a farm and graduated with a class of 14. I wrote a shorter poem (which is perhaps not as beautiful as yours, yet very honest) about the transition from country to city: I Hate Pavement by Kirk T Walker Streets stink. Sidewalks suck. Parking lots make me puke. I hate pavement. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
But what do you really think Kirk - ROFLMAO Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 04-12-2001).] |
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