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Critical Analysis #1
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Hardkore
Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33
San DIego, California

0 posted 2001-01-31 01:42 AM


Passion fuels my love
Passion becomes consumed by love
Without my love I become passionless
-------------------------------------
Glimpses of a future
Whose chances are almost never
Emotions never know nor shared
Only left with the chance
To fuel her passions towards others
Tormented to watch in the corner
Loving her may bring me to lose my heart
For it can't handle the loneliness much longer
Delisions of her felling the same
Curses me to hope and dream

I just want to wrap my arms around you
And escape to a better place
Lost in the love which is you
Show me the way
And together we will rise
Above the rubble of the past


© Copyright 2001 Garrett Megaw - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2001-01-31 06:58 PM


I need a little bit more to go on here. Can you describe the person more, describe yourself more? This has a potential to be interesting but I think you've gotten caught up in the feeling of the moment rather than the feeling of the poem.

You also might think about expanding or reflecting on this moment; what is she doing? The movie 'High Fidelity' comes to mind as a possible model.

Just an opinion,
Brad

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