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Critical Analysis #1
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Sonnet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sonnet |
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Greg_s Junior Member
since 2000-11-23
Posts 36Los Angeles, CA |
constellations among the alley way but orion was alone, and he tholed. fragments of glass reflect in shades of grey how the Breaker sobs, cuts her lungs on cold night air while reaching for the fallen lamp now dark resides arrogantly inside he outside tries to grope but only bleeds since death has spoken for him—so she cries. constellation alone, waiting, silence the two like tea leaves scattered on the floor, illumined through the open alley door succumbed again to their misplaced shyness the coming together night that subdues stars twinkle and point yet never choose |
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| © Copyright 2001 Greg Sargent - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, it seems you wish to enter the debate: What exactly is a sonnet? Some interesting ideas here but you might want to make it more coherent on the surface level. Brad |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
ya, restructuring could definately help this out. the language and pictures are superb, though. |
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Greg_s Junior Member
since 2000-11-23
Posts 36Los Angeles, CA |
I wasn't aware that there is a debate as to what a sonnet is. I guess this is sort of paramount to what I was trying to do with my poem. I wrote this poem in a very structured way, following for the most part, the traditional rules of a sonnet. However, if the poem is broken into iambic pentameter, then "bleeds" and "lamp" occur in lines that should rhyme. They don't but I believe that this concession is rather small while enabling me to keep somewhat effective diction. But back to the structuring issue, I found the poem as it was--fourteen lines, even spaces, predictable line breaks--rather boring. When I broke it up and put it back together in the form you see, I felt that certain things were emphasized that would have otherwise been downplayed, had I bound myself with form. For example, both occurances of "constellation[s]" appear on their own line, stressing the image of night and collectiveness of stars; also, "tholed" is now allowed to end a stanza, where it acts much more powerfully, than if it had been lost in the middle of an octave. I thank you for taking the time to read and think about my poem, I'm glad you found the images pleasing. I am also glad that you noted the importance of the role that structure plays in the poem. I may yet play with the line breaks and tabs a little bit more, but only, I think, to make it less of a sonnet. In that respect, I can own the pretense of breathing new life into old form; to refresh my relationship to the language and to attempt to create something beautiful out of disruption. |
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