»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Friends
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Friends |
|
|
merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Come on break my heart, or tell me I'm on to something. Times Have Changed I don't care about! Weather you are plugged up Or got the runny goo. Even, if you don't think! Anyone loves you Or someone is doing you wrong. Don't share! Dirty laundry Or nasty underwear. You love me! Try starting off right Saying the right words, first Do it then! "It is decisively a delight, to see you again” "How are you doing?" Wait for me to share my concern! “The pleasure is all mine.” “ I so do, love your company.” Do not! Run off with your fingers in your ears Shouting! “You are selfish” The world full of transmittable disease! Little wisdom. I am not afraid to speak my mind! I don’t need! Infectious characters Who only want to feed. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 merlynh - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
merlynh, This does carry an interesting style throughout. The shout comes through loud and clear. But the message is rather mixed and I'm not sure what it is. (And do you mean "whether" in the second line?) Krawdad |
||
|
Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
The last two stanzas ruin the tone and style of this poem. This poem would be great if you cut the last two stanzas. |
||
|
White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
I rather like this unique style. All is great cept for the first line of the second to last stanza. Throughout the poem you have used words that are easy to read, both outloud and in that voice we all have in our heads(or am I the only one that happens to). The word "transmittable" provides a kind of stumbling/fumbling block and sounds out of place. If you could rephrase that line I would give this piece two thumbs up and first prize for original structure. Other than that I loved this piece. The White Wolf |
||
|
Raj_Yura Junior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 13 |
Hi merlynh ! I liked your poem but the content is very opinonated that can't be generalsed to every one.especially the lines The world full of transmitable disease.... It might not be the view of many readers. I find your poem to be very personal statement.The style is no doubt good It is my opnion only. Hope to see more of your work Raj Yura |
||
|
merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
I give up writing poetry long ago. In fact this is the first one I have posted in a very long time. Since I work on my fiction writing so much. I found the replies of good intellect. Thanks |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
