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Critical Analysis #1
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dreamer1 12 5 24
Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150
crossing between

0 posted 2001-01-08 11:36 PM


This is written about a portrait I once saw. The portrait was, as is evident by reading the poem, coloured unusually, and I guess it reached something in me, because poems usually take me longer than this one took me to finish.

I saw the painting
in the portable.
It was somewhat odd,
a girl
with red hair,
a blue face
and a yellow tear
escaping her eye.
The pupil, though,
caught my attention most.
In it was a picture
of a stream,
with a forest behind it,
and a bird,
a swallow I think,
floating in the air.
It touched me,
this painting,
for whatever reason
I felt it was for me,
and for me alone.
I could see myself in it,
red hair,
for the hate I have
for the haters,
and my anger towards them.
a blue face,
for the sadness I feel
at their rejection,
and a yellow tear,
to represent my pain,
growing and poisonous,
it ran through me,
and over me,
and under me.
But the pupil.
The pupil
represented my hope.
A hope for the future,
and a prayer
for good times to come.
And I looked at the painting
and felt a bitter part of me
loosening
and freeing itself of me.
Thank God for hope.< !signature-->

....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan


[This message has been edited by dreamer1 12 5 24 (edited 01-08-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Adam Everett - All Rights Reserved
mark woolard
Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143

1 posted 2001-01-09 02:46 AM


(wha. . .? i hate 'puters!)

since i know nothing about the mechanics of the poem (not just your poem--any poem), i will simply comment on the other half of the art:  you captured the exchange between human and art very well.  brought to life the mystery, and comfort inherent within every observer who cares to notice what lies "between the brushstrokes".

because it's 1:30 in the mornning, i will leave it at that.  my brain feels like the mud that you can never seem to scrape completely  off yoour boots. . .but i did dig the pome!

Pearls_Of_Wisdom
Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175

2 posted 2001-01-09 05:30 PM


Hi there,

That was a neat and emotional poem. I've never been affected by art in such a profound way, but I'm glad you shared your poem, so that at least I can be affected vicariously through hearing your experience. The only suggestion I have is to take out the line "and my anger towards them" because I loved what came before it and I felt that line almost diminished "the hate I have / for the haters". Just a thought! I'll look forward to more of your work! =)

Ashley

dreamer1 12 5 24
Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150
crossing between
3 posted 2001-01-12 09:17 PM


Thanks Mark,
I apreciate the comment, look forward to commenting on your work.
Pearls of Wisdom,
thanks for commenting. I checked over your suggestion, and you're right. I'll change that as soon as I have some time on my hands. I'm a little rushed now.
Bye!

....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan

J.L. Humphres
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201
Alabama
4 posted 2001-01-13 03:21 AM


Dreamer,
  I don't have any "critical analysis"   only praise. I thought the poem flowed well visually, rhythmically, and mentally...good job.
    J.L.H.

Jason
God is a warm whisper from the cool void.
Jack Kerouac

Raj_Yura
Junior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 13

5 posted 2001-01-13 06:45 PM


The way u have weaved together the painting
and your perspective about it is good

dreamer1 12 5 24
Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150
crossing between
6 posted 2001-01-20 01:30 PM


Thanks guys!
Missed everyone, been very busy.
Having trouble writing recently. Oh, well, I'll get over it.
See you all!

....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan

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