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This Year
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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This Year |
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WhiteKnight Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 83NY |
This Year By WhiteKnight I sit here and ponder what to write I think of a year ago and wonder what to say I wonder if I can If I dare Lay my soul bare? Almost a year ago it started In the hospital I lay that day The new day The first day of the year I reflected upon my life I showed no emotion No fear No want No need I had all my emotion Locked neatly away inside Behind the walls I'd made The next week i went to work Boy was i a jerk I saw new faces I hid in fear Hid from them afraid Afraid of being hurt I hid behind my walls In my prison cell Three new people had come to scare me well Jen, and Nick and Antonella too I was afraid Afraid of being hurt I hid behind my walls I did not let them see See the real me I had few friends and that was fine I was sure they would all hurt me in time Then one day such strong emotion did pour forth from me My wall started to crumble I shivered and shook I tried to hide as best I could but as I trembled I saw HIM He was just standing there I felt such loathing towards him Such hatred as no other Such fear Such disgust I wanted to hide hide inside but he was there I asked of him his name "The Same" said he "I am you and you are me" and he grew stronger The walls kept crumbling They were hitting me He just kept grumbling I could take no more I tried to kill him Yes I did I was stooped by my spouse She asked "Are you a man or a mouse" "You will leave him be I will call the cops then they'll just be him and me!" The next day I know He tried to kill me so He tried to take my life He had already taken my wife We struggled for weeks on end He grew stronger and I could barley defend Then one day at work I saw a distant light upon my wall it made me stronger it blinded him too It made me believe just a little in me As the days grew on The light grew stronger and I began to realize Maybe I can last a little longer As time went on I saw saw where the light came from It came from you It came from your soul so bright So right You took me in as your friend You showed me not to fear You showed me you were very dear You were nice and kind and considerate too You showed me that I am not all bad Showed me that everyone doesn't fear doesn't fear who i am inside It came to pass one day You told me that we are special friends and I agree special is how you make me feel I still grow Still struggle every day but I grow stronger too I think of you every day It keeps me from feeling blue The light you emit keeps me on track That light of friendship happiness, caring, understanding and love Every time I see you smile it makes my day in every way I want to use what you have taught I feel I ought Only you have made it past my still crumbling walls Others are helping to tear them down but they remain outside looking in Jim, Jen, Rob and Kelly all do what they can They work real hard to break the walls To show me we are all the same We all have walls Even you I want to help you break them down I have already started The things I send you make me feel good as I hope they do for you There are not enough words to express how I feel There is no way I can show you my friend The love that is so real I wish I could be more than that special friend But that is not in the cards I understand I want you to know what you mean to me How beautiful you are to me Right through to your soul When I look into your eyes I see that caring, sharing, loving person inside Can I say it? Do I dare? Can I say how much I care? Of you I am no longer afraid I know you would not hurt me I know that you understand me You might not always be agree with me but you'll be there for me. You are more special than anyone I know You always make me feel good inside You always get me to smile even when I want to run and hide Thank you for being the closest friend I have ever had. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Corey Rugar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
WhiteKnight, As this is your first post, I won't bother with critique. I will say welcome to CA, and hope you have a wonderful New Year. Your poem is touching, and speaks of a special bond...a true friendship. Those who have them are very lucky, you know. Hang on tightly to your friends. Kris All change in history, all advance, comes from the nonconformist. If there had been no troublemakers, no dissenters, we would still be living in caves |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi WhiteKnight, What Kris said. Sorry I don't have time right now for much of a critique but I do want to add another welcome to CA. It's good to have you here. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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WhiteKnight Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 83NY |
Thank you both for response. |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
my macro impression is that there is some nice stuff here about one quarter of the way down and further. I think I wanted this to be much, much shorter...it feels like a good poem overpadded. I was initially confused about this thing or quality or person that threatened you or you wanted to kill or who took your wife...its a bit muddled to me. I wanted it/him to be metaphor, maybe for suicide (which it could in fact be) but it didnt go quite far enough to make that connection solid. I also thought that this could exist in two forms: the one you give to your friend, which includes all the personal info to make it real to them and you due to shared experience, and another version that strips out all the personall and specific information (since other readers will not understand the insider info anyways) and make it a much tighter, more enigmatic poem. You DONT have to spell everything out in the second version, in fact, that would help it, I think. anyhow, that's my first impression. |
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