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Critical Analysis #1
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Love Divine II / revised (any better?)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Love Divine II / revised (any better?) |
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raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
Your damaged heart speaks to me The tears that fall, secrets only I see Your pain has been made mine In this love only you could call divine The sorrow you whispered softly goes by But the sound of the pain will never die The guilt that beats in your heart beats now in mine And this excuse you crated we call a love divine You pray for an end I long for a start And it is only are ourselves we are making fall apart You call us friends like being lovers would be a crime So for now we live this lie and call it a love divine Bitter regret that won’t heal with time Our souls we have shared now intertwine Tears fall in rivers blurring that fragile line Forming a landscape of our love divine The pain still so new the scars faded and old And all that you give is leaving me cold All that is yours you make it now mine And this we call a love divine I hope I have corrected most of the flow problems. But I could be wrong let be know what you think, and as always please be honest. I am not always lonely even if I am always alone |
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| © Copyright 2000 Amberlyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
this is bad I am posting this reply jest to put my self back on the firest page. I hope doing this dose not seem to tacky. I jest figured that most people have been to busy to read much. i hope i did not offend anyone mary christmas!!!!!  |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
Well, I never got the chance to read the first version of this poem, but I think thats irrelevant. I dont find the fact that you reposted to stay public offensive, dont worry, (I did that before  ) So you're concerned about flow problems? I never knew there was such a thing! I believe this poem "flows" nicely. look, if you want MY honest opinion, write confidently, and love what you write, and dont feel as if there is a certain code to writing poetry. Thats just MY opinion.. Keep seeking.... Will you come travel with me? Shall we stick by each other as long as we live? - Walt Whitman |
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