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Critical Analysis #1
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Hate
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Hate |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Ive seen your heart, and the hatefull things you do What will you do, when the world starts hating YOU We no longer listen to the things you say So shut your mouth and then you can go away I say tolerate intolerance no more Eye for an eye, its time to settle the score Next time think about what you're going to do Think about what if someone did that to you... Im not one predisposed to hate, but hate I do Because I hate the hate that I find in you This is a warning to all of you out there Stop the hate, because some of us, we do care KM every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
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| © Copyright 2000 Keith W. Mullin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Wesley, Welcome to CA. I'm not sure where you are going with this one but the tone seems a bit harsh. At first glance, it seems to be just a typical rant but I think there is something more behind the scenes. I'm not sure the rhyming couplets is the best format to accomplish this kind of poem although I don't have any better suggestions. Also, some of the rhymes appear a bit forced and some of the wording just sounds too immature for the subject matter. I guess I'm saying that overall it doesn't do much for me. But that is just one opinion so don't let me discourage you. Pete |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Thanks for the qritique. Guess its back to the drawing boards for this one, it was supposed to inspire something in the reader. Im not sure what or where it is going myself, but it didnt get there it appears. The basis for the rhyming couplet was the Epigram, I was just taking it a little bit further. KM and dont worry about hurting my feelings, Im only "new" because I changed my name, used to be Der Keit. every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
well though this poem didnt really inspire something in me, it did make me think... i think the reason why i wasnt inspired(the way you wanted the reader to) was due to the abrupt turn of tone in the last verse...you talk about hating him then you talk about caring...for this reader at least, this turn was rather confusing? "some of us, we do care"....this was the part that made me think and reflect and i feel that this sentiment should be elaborated on, yes? good luck on the drawing boards...i will like to see how this turns up  [This message has been edited by kaile (edited 12-13-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I just don't believe that this type of sentiment can be placed very well in a subtle form like poetry (at least without a backbeat and a melody). Certainly, poems such as these can have an immediate reaction on people given certain events but that doesn't mean that that reaction will have any staying power (ie. people will read it again). So, we're kind of stuck, aren't we? If I say I don't like the poem, am I saying that I don't like the poem as a poem or I don't like the message of the poem (and how do those two differ?). If I look at your last couplet: This is a warning to all of you out there Stop the hate, because some of us, we do care Well, I don't like the rhythm here and I'm unsure how to take that 'all of you' and the 'some of us'? I'm pretty sure I know what you mean: all of you (who hate) versus some of us (who hate the hate) but I'm hard pressed to see much difference in the poem itself. Extreme groups seem to be the target here but for most of us, I think, this is not something that has to be explained. Why not explore the more subtle, mundane moments? The moments of hate within those who proclaim tolerance or something like that. Those who don't even necessarily hate as such but nevertheless act in a way that promotes hatred (usually out of fear). Just some thoughts, Brad |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hi Wesley (or would that be Monsieur the Blue..? )I have to agree with Brad and Philip here, my friend -- poetry and propaganda don't mix. That being said, it's obvious that you have some strong feelings about this subject, so I encourage you to adopt a new angle on the situation and go with it. General statements such as the ones you make here are unlikely to inspire sympathy in the reader; instead, you might try going into detail about one or more of the instances of this hatred that you oppose so vehemently. Don't tell me, show me why I should agree with you. Make me cry, fill me with righteous anger. Be a poet, not a politician. For some examples of what I am talking about, you might try reading some of Anne Sexton's poetry ... LOL ... she's an ornery old bird, God bless her, but she knows how to catch an audience: http://pages.prodigy.net/stesha/ Or, for a slightly different view, try Sylvia Plath: http://www.cityhonors.buffalo.k12.ny.us/city/rsrcs/eng/auth/plaonl.html I'm sure some of our other resident CA wolves can suggest some further (and perhaps more appropriate) reading, but this was what I came up with off the cuff.  Happy Writing, --Linda < !signature--> Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 12-17-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
nothing to add really to what's been said .. i just came to marvel at the fact that for the first time EVER ... Pete has been mistaken for MEEE instead of t'other way round Linda ... well done ...  LOL |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
I like the idea behind this poem although I agree with the others. I'm too tired to write it out so yeah, that thing what they said. But, again, I really liked the idea behind this poem, I can relate. ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it.... |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
hehehe ... whoops! Now how is a girl supposed to tell one wolf from another...? LOL |
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