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An Uneased Heart
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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An Uneased Heart |
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cougar04 New Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 5 |
Who am i? Do I just kid myself? I lie here and wonder exactly how I felt when my best friend ditched me and caused me so much pain. I hated her so much because she wasn't the same. She used to be someone I could laugh with even the one to whom I could cry. Now as I sit here alone, I wonder why. Why did she leave me? Was she ever a good friend? I remember all those friendship poems for her that I used to send. Now she's with her popular group, but I know they're all fake I just hope she realizes that, at least for her sake. I miss all the laughters and even the songs we used to make I wish I could turn back time to the part when it was all great... |
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| © Copyright 2000 cougar04 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Cougar, I don't have any real comments for you but I did want to welcome you to CA. I know you'll enjoy it here. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to CA! My first suggestion is to give us more of the story -- perhaps a specific scene in the relationship that you treasure. Right now, you are telling us about the relationship, not showing us that relationship. Maybe use two scenes to create a contrast between the before case -- friendship -- and the after case -- the sense of loss. Also, think about dropping the rhyme. I don't think it's needed with this poem. Just an opinion, Brad |
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