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Al Fumayle On Living In The Neighborhood
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Al Fumayle On Living In The Neighborhood |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Al Fumayle says: 'Disneyland ain't in my neighborhood but I've been there -- whole bunch of times. Ain't never been to the Eiffel tower though nor Windsor Castle neither. Maybe some day. But I reckon they're all in somebody's neighborhood -- same as your house and my house.' Al's like that, has that way about him where he's always looking at things, large or small, like they're his own size -- if you know what I mean. And Al always has plenty to say about neighborliness: 'Of course, my own neighborhood is user friendly, so maybe it's just about as good as any in Paris or Florence. Course the folks where I live don't speak French or Italian,' Al laughs up a whooshing whirlwind. Al's like that, generally looking at people like they're his neighbor no matter where they live. Never looking for trouble when there's no need. Likely Al ain't a half bad neighbor himself, you know, once you get the hang of him. |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I don't like "whooshing whirlwind" and I have a hard time fitting the "French or Italian" line into my idea of his dialect. Actually, it's not even the whole line, but just those words I quoted. The or gives it too formal of a sound I think. The rest of the voice is pretty consistent. I liked it. One thing I do find interesting is that the narrator speaks with the same voice as that of Al Fumayle. Doesn't really mean anything to me right now, I guess, but I just find it interesting. Ryan I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
I could see Al sitting there, on a step, outside, saying these things. I find this a nice piece, giving recognition to the many interesting people in the world, those with strong minds and good hearts. Enjoyed it. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
I would like to start by saying that you have developed a very interesting and believable character in a minimum of lines; this is a sign of good poetry. That being said, I noticed only two points that distracted my reading from the images you were trying to put across: The first was, oddly enough, the first line. I found it to be a bit flat and abrupt; honestly, I was expecting a humorous poem to follow. I feel as though you are coming out of nowhere with this "Al Fumayle," not at all attempting to acquaint the reader with the character before diving into the monologue. While it might be argued that Al defines himself well by his words (he does), I believe that perhaps a description of the Al's front porch where he mouths his wisdom, or even Al himself, would draw the reader into his soliloquy more readily than the simple declaration you began with here. The second is a simple matter of dialectial (is that a word..?) preference, I suppose; in line 5, the word "nor" rubbed me wrong. I realize that it is proper English as written; even so, I cannot make myself believe that Al would be so formal in speaking. I am originally from the deep south, and a good portion of my family talks very much like Al: I cannot imagine my grandfather ever saying "neither this nor that" in the midst of all the "ain'ts" and "I reckons." Otherwise, this was a well-constructed piece of poetry. Smells of old woodsmoke and pecan pie, if'n ya ask me ...  --Linda Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Thank you all very much for responding! It will help me with my future Al Fumayle poems. I have three Al F. poems completed and several more in the works. I hope everyone enjoys reading them regardless of their imperfections. |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Marq, I already love to hate Al. I believe I know a guy just like that! Drives me nuts, but is the sweetest person you'd meet. He just refuses to believe that the world is all that bad a place. I'll be looking for more of Al. |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
might just be me, but I liked the content but found that some of the line breaks seemed abrupt, like forcing a prose story into a poem shell. Not all, but I've been there -- whole bunch (BAD BREAK) of times. Ain't never been to the Eiffel(BAD BREAK) tower though nor Windsor Castle neither. Maybe some day. But I reckon they're all in somebody's neighborhood -- same as your(BAD BREAK) house and my house.' Al's like that, has(BAD BREAK) that way about him where he's always looking at things, large or small, like they're his own size -- if you know what I mean. And Al always has plenty to say about neighborliness: 'Of course, my own neighborhood is user friendly, so maybe it's just about as good as any in Paris or Florence. Course the folks where I live don't speak French or Italian,' Al laughs up a whooshing whirlwind. Al's like that, generally looking at people like they're(BAD BREAK) his neighbor no matter where they live. Never looking for trouble when there's no need. Likely Al ain't a half bad neighbor himself, you know, once you get the hang of him. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
To Lerk, There's no argument from me about the 'bad' line breaks. I did it for greater uniformity in line lengths and because this is a more informal prose-ish piece I loosened my own rules a tad on that score. Since you found it annoying others probably would to so I probably should re-structure it. Very observant! Thank you! |
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