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The Cruelties of Life
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Cruelties of Life |
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starcrossedlovers New Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 1 |
The crulities of life Why must life be so cruel To make me want him so bad Why must he be so cruel to not respond to my eternal love Why do I cry When I know he was never mine Why does it hurt To know he never will be I question Life and her many cruelties shes made me love then broken my heart Why do I live If I'll only die Why do I care If I'm unable to help Why do I exist if I am nothing and I question life and all her cruelties Please read my other poems. My page is @ www.geocities.com/star_princess_v I would like to know what other people think. |
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| © Copyright 2000 starcrossedlovers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I think your construction is good, but your subject is ordinary and your wording is orndinary. I'd strive for greater originality in both of these areas. I enjoyed the read! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
SCL: Welcome to CA. I would be happy to offer a more detailed critique but before I do I would suggest that you read the Critical Analysis forum guidelines. For now I will say that I am in agreement with Marq. You have the bones of a good poem but I think it would be much better if you fleshed it out. As it stands, the language is somewhat flat and unremarkable. Focus on stronger nouns and verbs, for starters. "Bad", "hurt", "cruel", "care" ... perhaps a good thesaurus would help you in that area. Let me know if you would like a more indepth critique and I will be glad to offer one. Jim |
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