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...And I Bleed
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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...And I Bleed |
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Fixxxer New Member
since 2001-08-27
Posts 2 |
This is my first post here, so I figured I'd get something out of the way first. I never wrote anything... ever. I never felt like it. Recently, something extremely emotional happened to me where I suddenly had the urge to write. I can not explain it. This was the result: ...And I Bleed The Kingdom of Emptiness, driven by fear So torn, so divided Its new tenants strive to make it brighter It bleeds, drained by a dictating blighter It bleeds, this Kingdom of Emptiness --- These armies known as Life, Spirit and Love So innocent, so genuine They fight for their Kingdom of Emptiness They fight each other; blind, oblivious It bleeds, this Kingdom of Emptiness --- This Army known as Life, driven by life So dynamic, so vigorous They fight for this Kingdom with honest faith They are lead by Destiny, Lot and Fate It bleeds, this Army of Life --- This Army known as Spirit, driven by spirit So powerful, so elevated They fight for this Kingdom with dancing words They soar with muscle, these lofty birds It bleeds, this Army of Spirit --- This Army known as Love, driven by love So exquisite, so intrepid They fight for this Kingdom with pure of heart They strike with Loves most mesmerizing dart It bleeds, this Army of Love --- These armies brave unworthy battlefield So unaware, so trusting They fight for this Kingdom, not all alone They fight against these enemies unknown They bleed, for one Kingdom --- This Kingdom is my heart O it tears me, and I bleed -Fixxxer I have toyed with several titles: 'The Kingdom of Emptiness' 'We Bleed' 'Life, Spirit and Love.' I never was really satisfied with one. *shrugs* |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bob - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Scott, And welcome to Critical Analysis (CA). Sorry I can't take time to say much today but I did want to welcome you. I had to quickly read this one today so I didn't really get into it but a cursory overall impression is that you said pretty much the same thing over and over. I'm not sure it worked but I'll get back later. Maybe someone else will come along until then. Check your email for a message. Pete |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hello and welcome.... First and foremost I like the theme. "Its new tenants strive to make it brighter" i like this line, it is beautiful Second Stanza I think that if you did not tell us who the armies were it may be even more powerful. Let us use our imagination. Again you refer to the army in the third stanza but it is diffrent from the previous armies. 4th stanza I can appreciate the repetition but again the army is defined for us " They fight for this Kingdom with dancing words" nice line Last line last stanza is good If this is your first effort i applaud you. keep posting thanks see ya [This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 08-28-2001).] |
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Fixxxer New Member
since 2001-08-27
Posts 2 |
Well... Life, Spirit and Love each represented a woman and her qualities that held a special place in my heart... unfortunately at the same time. Which inspired me to write it. |
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