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Critical Analysis #1
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Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion

0 posted 2000-09-24 06:28 PM



Arpeggio and Staccato

A tenor to my soprano
I am breathy, you bellow -
A voice low and legato,
Mine a spray of staccato.
So many opuses you know,
My songs, never apropos.

A serenade beneath my window
Dreamt of a timbre largo
The window was non aperto,
Would you take it from Da Capo?
Could we harmonize in tempo,
Arpeggio and staccato?

© 2000 Corinne Bailey

© Copyright 2000 Corinne - All Rights Reserved
Marq
Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222

1 posted 2000-09-24 08:13 PM


This is kind of cool!  There were a couple of terms I wasn't familiar with in the second stanza but that's my loss.  Nice post!
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-09-24 08:56 PM


I also thought this was unique and interesting. The only thing I might change is the word "bellow". The rest of the words are lyrical, and that just doesn't seem to fit in. Perhaps the word "smooth", or "resonant" would be "apropos". A change of a single word could really make this poem. It is already very good, and I feel the change could only make it better.
Nice work,

Kris

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~
Albert Einstein

Libbi
Junior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 18

3 posted 2000-09-24 09:51 PM


A great poem, which flowed incredibly well.  It is a unique approach to familar theme, well done.  
I do agree with warmhrt on the word bellow. On my first read it seemed to fit in okay, though reading it again, i agree it does stick out just a little from the rest.
Ofcourse, this does not detract from a brilliantly written poem! well done!
-libbi-

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