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Critical Analysis #1

Launch Of Freedom

Janie
Member

since 2000-08-13

Posts 158

0 posted 2000-09-23 02:59 PM

On the splendid green horizon,
Lucent spheres sway to and fro
Mounted on their sturdy stems
In the wind, just watch them blow!

Multitudes of paratroopers
One by one each take their turn
Launching forth to see the world
Leaves my jealous heart to yearn!

Independence set in motion
Forced by human lips and gale
Travel on to journeys far!
Dandelion troops assail

< !signature-->

[This message has been edited by Janie (edited 09-23-2000).]

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

1 posted 2000-09-23 03:13 PM

This is a nice gentle read. I don't think the last line of the second stanza fits in too well with your poem. Might be better to take another look at that.

Janie
Member

since 2000-08-13

Posts 158

2 posted 2000-09-23 10:53 PM

Marq,

Thanks for stopping by. I know what you mean about that line; I've been struggling with it all day. Well...a better line will pop up sooner or later.

Thanks

Janie

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