Survive the Fall__Thoughts on starting a new relationship

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Critical Analysis #1

Survive the Fall__Thoughts on starting a new relationship

chablis
New Member

since 2000-09-19

Posts 2

0 posted 2000-09-19 10:50 AM

I stand here once again. The ground not so unfamiliar,
Darkness...a fog looms above. Pushed back only by the faint light that surrounds me...My Aura.
A thin blanket of my Self, that which keeps the heaviness from setting on my shoulders.
I stand frozen
I am free to move.
This is not a bad place to be.
If only my mind is open.
I stand here staring. The water below, it seems so far.
The wind blows hard against my back. Step back from the edge. I can not allow myself to fall.
Best to turn and walk away, Why is it I don't?
No, this is not unfamiliar.
No, this is not a bad place to be.
I remember when last I stepped forward, not unlike the times before.
A breathless flight, terrifying yet wonderful.
Never landing quite right.
If only my mind is open.
If I knew the outcome, would I be willing to jump?
The mystery is what holds me here, and is what calls me to the water and all that's in between.
Breathless anticipation, My heart pounds with fear.
The possibility that this time I escape the pain.
I choose not to know the outcome.
I have hurt before and survived.
Here I stand.
No, this is not a bad place to be.

I STEP FORWARD.
XXO

[This message has been edited by chablis (edited 09-19-2000).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2000-09-19 08:27 PM

I'd think about concentrating on the metaphor and letting some of the other comments go. I think you can suggest the real situation if you explore the central image in more detail.

Just an opinion,
Brad

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

2 posted 2000-09-19 10:43 PM

Hello Thanks for posting. I would lose the opening line, it sounds very cliche

You have some great ideas in the poem i would just work on getting the line lenngths more consistent.

see ya

chablis
New Member

since 2000-09-19

Posts 2

3 posted 2000-09-19 11:58 PM

Thanks, both of you for your comments/opinions on the poem. This was a first, and hopefully not the last attempt. I'm going to leave the poem as is for now. Use it as tool so to speak. Keep the critique coming...I'll survive.

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