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Double Delusions
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Double Delusions |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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The open button commanded My complete attention, With the soft, firm voice Of its siren whisper And the lure of flowered breath Touched with Amber Romance Enticing me toward the Pirate’s Cove, Damning rocks and reefs, For one, brief chance to press my lips Against those sun-kissed shores. [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 09-13-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
jim apart from the obvious references and allusions to the Sirens myth I have to say I'm struggling with this. the capitalisation of Amber Romance clearly has some significance, and I'd guess the whole piece was at least partially inspired by your recent encounter with the Atlantic, but until I figure the "open button" I guess I'm not going to get very far....lol... All I see at the moment is a guy in a boat or on a board scenting the offshore perfume laden breeze and wanting to get ashore again despite the hazards! that said, I did like the tone of the poem - quite different from many of your other pieces - the softer side of jim....lol. My only immediate quibble is "sun-kissed shores" - I'm not just going to scream cliche just for the sake of it (like some do!), I believe a good cliche has its place, but right now I can't see that that phrase adds much. can't wait to be given a hint or a clue by you or anyone else! .... anyone....?? ... philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 09-14-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
er... yes ! how the heck did i miss it - sorry THEM! this is about CARS again of course! lets see the clever allusions: "open button" - the pop up lock on the door ... no? allowing easy entry ...yes? "soft, firm" - the padded seat, gently yielding ..no? "siren" - dammit, this should've given it away - your horn (heh) no doubt !! "flowered breath" - the chemical air freshener hanging annoyingly from the rear view mirror "Amber Romance" - the latest Rolls Royce production model "Pirate's Cove" - the cleft of highway between two second hand car dealers (obvious innit?) "For one, brief chance to press my lips Against those sun-kissed shores." - oooooooooo jim this is pushing the bounds of propriety a little isn't it!! kinky!!! does your wife know about this obsession?  this was great jim..... loved all the allusions .....now I'm awake !!! philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: quote: My wife is the object of my obessession.  Thanks for the reply, Philip. As usual, you are spot on in your interpretation ... lol. Jim |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
quote: how could it have been otherwise jim - no seriously ..lol..... i knew! quote: yeah well ..i had a little help from a vehicle mechanic friend p |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is cute and it reads well but it's just sort of there if you know what I mean. Seems like your lacking in poetic inspiration if not sexual aspiration. Oh yeah, it's about cars. Brad |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hey Jim, I had no idea it was about cars until I read the comments on it. I thought the first half of the poem had a real nice feel to it and I loved the opening line, grabs the reader's attention immediately. However the last half of the poem seemed to whimper out a bit and the Amber and Pirate's cove didn't seem to exactly match nor flow with the first half. Thanks for the read Jim, take care, Trevor |
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