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Toy
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Toy |
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Silkdragon Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 65 |
when i lie awake at night i sometimes wonder at the path my life has taken. a frown creases my brow and i think that i may be unnatural. a life like mine was never meant to be, perhaps? i have always lived for the sake of others. have i ever truly been myself? i wonder. ever since i was little i have been carefully watched, scrutinized, and i knew i was meant to be the best. i was always the first. what is it like to be the last? i wonder. i think i am unnatural, the wretched sum of a madman’s dreams and i cannot forget the horrors i suffered for the sake of his experiment. created, not born. a patchwork of peices glued together to become “perfection.” that is what i am. perfect? i laugh softly. i think not. mine is a life of loneliness that i must keep veiled, because to be strong is all i have. yet all of them envy me. they want to be what i am. for them i am a hero, a fairy tale spun by their worshipful imaginings. but i am not what i show myself to be. instead, a toy, my life rehearsed from before i was born and still now i carry out the play. can they realize how i despise myself? i pity them their foolishness. they cannot know what it is to be me. This poem is in no way based on my personality.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This actually follows pretty clearly the self pity line to a lashing out. What's missing however are more concrete images to enhance the feeling you want. Take a look at the work of Sylvia Plath or Molly Peacock. They might give you some ideas on what to do here. Just an opinion, Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Silkdragon: This poem brought thoughts of Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" to mind (the book, not the movie). I like your approach but would like some clarification, particularly on whether the narrator is truly manufactured (like the Frankenstein monster)or if it is a metaphor. I thought "toy" was a little weak when compared to my thoughts on Shelley's book but perhaps that is not the direction you intended to go. I did notice that you first wrote "created, not born" then, later in the piece, wrote "before I was born". You may want to adjust your wording so not to be conflicting. My other suggestions are pretty much in line with Brad's. The benefit of giving the reader strong, concrete images to chew on, as a general rule, cannot be underplayed. There are times, I think, when obscurity is demanded by subject or mood but I don't think that is the case with this poem. Thanks for the read and for reviving thoughts of Shelley (I really enjoyed her book). Jim |
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