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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
Restless Forgotten dream is all you are And all you'll ever be. No one dreams that doesn't wake, Nor wakes that doesn't sleep. And since a dream is all you are And dreams are all a fake, I bid you lay your head to rest And sleep no more to wake. So let us melt, and make no noise, No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move. |
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
To break a poem down I generally read it several times, the first is to catch the meter or rhythm, the meaning is largely ignored at this point, your poem seems fine read this way. The second read is for sound, rhyme, alliteration, consonance, assonance internal and external are all parts of this reading for sound. On this read I have no problem with the second stanza but fall down on the second and fourth lines of the first. There is nothing wrong with those lines as they stand, they just seem wrong after reading the second stanzas fake/wake rhyming lines. The next read is for meaning, here I had a couple of confusing moments. Line one is crying out for an ‘A’ before forgotten, I understand that dropping a word is a recognised poetic device but in this case the line seemed to stand out as being wrong. As it’s the first line, probably the most important in a poem, I was more conscious of it than I might normally have been and I kept going back to re-read it in case I’d missed something. ‘No one dreams that doesn’t wake’ I kept asking what happens if you die while you’re asleep, doing so would seem to prove this statement wrong. I think what you were aiming for was a poem that used logical progression from plain fact turned upside down to produce an illogical conclusion, a device used expertly by Pope in his scathing rebuttals to his critics. I don’t think you are that far away from succeeding, which is probably why I enjoyed reading this piece so much. I hope you take my opinion for what it is, no more or less than an opinion, please ignore anything that you don't agree with. Thanks for the chance to read and reply Craig Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool: But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I actually read this yesterday but just didn't have time to comment. Now after reading Craig's excellent analysis, I do have a couple of things. First, although I agree that the first line grammatically could use an "A", it would destroy the meter. It really isn't bad as it is, IMHO. The third line, however, needs an additional unstressed syllable at the beginning. Dropping a syllable here serves no purpose ad it does seem to cause an unnecessary verbal speed bump. Finally, I think it would add to the poem if you could substitute a better rhyme for be/sleep in the first stanza. I haven't really tried to analyse the context but the more I read this the more I like it. I guess that is one sign of a good poem  Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm going to forego my usual complaint that 'dreams' is a very dangerous word to use in a poem and suggest that you develop the plays you've going on here. I think this one has potential if you were to make it more specific and less a call to action. Just an opinion, Brad |
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