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Critical Analysis #1

Life's Line

Seoulman
Junior Member

since 2000-05-24

Posts 41

0 posted 2000-08-16 11:23 PM

Hey guys back from my holiday and going by my piece today you'll know what I got up to.

I row my skiff
on a balmy summer
riverway,
remote,
I cast out a line
breaking a tranquil veil.
From somewhere,
the sound of a fisherman's
tackle box shatters
a silence only lonely
anglers seem to gather,
on a balmy summer
riverway.

p.s great news brad, congratulations!

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

1 posted 2000-08-16 11:51 PM

hi seoulman! i liked this very well. i havent much helpful to add, except you might consider a little more punctuation here

a silence only lonely
anglers seem to gather

but then, you probably meant for it to run together like, that, and i like it that way anyway, so i dont know why i really said anything at all

luv Elyse (a bit of a crazy)

Seoulman
Junior Member

since 2000-05-24

Posts 41

2 posted 2000-08-17 12:25 PM

Thanks Elyse for such a quick reply, much appreciated!

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-08-17 06:37 PM

Matt,
Well done. I don't recall if you had a title for this the first time I read it but I liked it. As I said before, this has a vary Japanese feel to it - although I still don't think balmy is necessary.

thanks for the thanks (six weeks now)

Get your phone back!!!

Brad

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