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Barbie: The woman inside the box-The Interview
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Barbie: The woman inside the box-The Interview |
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Janie Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 158 |
Barbie... You’ve come a long way, girl. Or have you? You used to be so proud of your townhouse, A far cry, from all you own now... Back then, you ran with a much tighter crowd, Now, you’re a woman of the world... When I knew you, you “hung” With Ken (of course) and Growing Up Skipper... I only knew two of you: You Ballerina. You Superstar. What a simpler time that was! For you, for us all... Then, it wasn’t all about “show”. You actually lived your life. Now, you’re mostly on display, like, a trophy. Sometimes you don’t even leave your box! Only to be sold later, like a kept woman. There was a time you didn’t mind if your hair got wet, Or you had to wear the same outfit again... A time, you didn’t have to work so hard To be accepted and loved. What happened Barbie?... Yes. There was less competition back then, Now, every time you turn around, Another clone tries to steal your identity; Steal your man or your dreams... Your life’s work is slipping away, Even as you hold your pink slip in your hands, Your replacement drives away... Away, in your corvette... Don’t cry Barbie... < !signature--> [This message has been edited by Janie (edited 08-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Janie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hey, now i really dug this one janie! there are a couple of really cool lines in here, i like all of them really. although...i must confess im not a big fan of the one-line stanza. i guess i just dont understand what that kind of structure is supposed to do. enlightenment please?  thanx for the great readluv Elyse |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
oh and i forgot to ask, why "the interview" tacked on there at the end? |
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Janie Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 158 |
Thanks for your review. I really have no idea how I came to write this other than the fact I was trying to write an anecdote about childhood vacations. This work is completely "free". Heaven only knows what rules I'm breaking. I take it you suggest I remove the line breaks and make it one paragraph? As for the "Interview" part. I don't know, in a sick sort of way I see Barbie on TV being interviewed by Barbara Walters; the interview characterizing the decline of "old fashioned" values as Barbara airs out Barbie's "Dirty Laundry"...kind of like a simile comparing adult materialism to children's lack of bonding with toys today because they have too many for any one to truly be special. |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
now that would be something worht watchin 20/20 for well, no, i dont think having them all scrunched up together in a single paragraph would be any better than what you have. i was just wonderin if there was a reason for your structure i dont know if you meant this, given what you said about anecdotes and what not, but, when i read it i got the impression that the girl might not only be talking to her doll, but to herself, the younger her, or whatever. at least at times. lines like "there was a time you didnt mind if you got your hair wet" and the like. just how i saw it luv Elyse |
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boji stone Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 62USA |
hey i liked this a lot,and the words held a lot of truth.....things have changed, and we think we have gotten better, but have we? cool, bjstone *S* |
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Janie Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 158 |
To Elise and Boji, It's hard to say whether in this age of technology and consumerism whether we've truly advanced or not. I guess the bottom line for me as I wrote this I thought of my nieces and the #@%* load of barbies they have. I was by no means deprived, but I only had 2 Barbies, A Ken doll and a Growing Up Skipper (remember her-she was a flat chested pre-teen and after you twisted her arm she turned into Britney Spears)...any way, as I was writing the anecdote I mentioned, which was about my Ballerina Barbie being swept down the Colorado River (until I urged my cousin to get her, only because she could run faster than me) I thought, you know if that was today, I'd probably have 100 Barbies so no big deal if Barbie got away. The reference about "hair wet" as you may know, back then at least, Barbie's hair was never quite the same after water. The "clones" stealing her identity relates to all the Barbie varieties that there are today and "stealing your man" suggests that while they are many Barbies, there's still just one Ken (at least last I heard) Some may say Ken's a pretty lucky guy. I guess it's all in how you look at it. Janie |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Janie... Not much time here, my apologies, so I want to train my focus on one thing: Freeverse and breaking of rules. LOL...being a proponent of freeverse, and writing it exclusively myself I was curious as to why you are concerned about breaking 'rules'? There aren't many when it comes to FV. This piece - and I have only given it one read so far - seems perfectly suited to the general form of freeverse. I personally really like this piece and given my brief visit I have only three suggestions in regards to the poem as a whole. Punctuation, capitialisation of every line, and then the format: Punctuation. Your ellipses are a little distracting, and the semicolon at the end of 'identity' doesn't fit too well there. Too much punctuation can interrupt the pace and flow of a poem...and in the case of this one - I feel its upbeat nature isn't aided by the stop and starts afforded it by the majority of the punctuation. Capitalisation...again, this is akin to the punc. It has much the same effect - interfering with the pace and also this technique is a carry over from traditional rhyme-schemed poetry. Perhaps, if you removed some punctuation you could then only have the first lines after a question mark or occasional fullstop (period) capitalised. I'm not sure if you edited the structure before but it works quite well to me in the block format it is in. However, to add greater effect to the above suggestion, you could create some 'verses' by inserting some one line gaps between a non-capitalised line and the following capitalised one. If I have time I will try and give you some comment on individual lines - for I do like this piece very much. Thanks. K[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 08-17-2000).] |
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Janie Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 158 |
Severn, Thanks for your comments and if you find time to go into more detail as you've said you might, I'd appreciate it. The advice you're giving me is exactly what I'm looking for. After reading your comments and re-reading the poem I see what you mean about the punctuation. It may help to know that when I wrote it, I didn't write it in the frame of mind that it would be a "poem". I look forward to hearing back from you. |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi janie ...i really liked the theme for this poem LOL but I would drop 'the interview' out of the title. ...everything you said is true, barbie was so much simpler when we were growing up. ...does anyone know what happened to ken? LOL "Ken...The Stud In A Box...Used and Forgotten" couldn't resist LOL I liked this a lot, thumbs up debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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