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Blue
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Blue |
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Kirsty24 Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40Australia |
Blue!! There's magnificence In the stormy clouds above There's silver in the raindrops Playing on the window pane There's redness in the blood Flowing through your veins There's yellow In the autumn leaves There's orange in the light Of the house nearby There's green In the sodden fields around There's purple In the berries on the bramble There's white In the wings of a magpie Against black Of a silhouette tree But everything is blue Blue is the angry sea In which you want to drown Blue is your skin In the piercing cold Blue is the hardness Of which everything is made Blue is the wind Which makes you numb Blue are the groans Which you hear From somewhere Blue is the colour Which tinges your thoughts Like a whisk of gentle melancholy Blue is the stain Which you can't wash out Blue is the colour of your heart |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kirsty O'Hara - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Kirsty, You have a great shift in tempo in the middle - very powerful move (okay, it's something I like to do). My only suggestion would be to find slightly less common similes to follow the colors - try to surprise the the reader a bit more. Still, I liked this one. Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kirsty: I liked the way you effected the transition also. The only similes that I would consider common in the first stanza are "autumn leaves" and "blood". I liked the concrete images of "sodden fields" and "berries in the bramble". This may be nit-picky (I like the poem alot so I have to be nit-picky with a poem I like as much as I like this one), but perhaps "Shades of Blue" would be a more fitting title. For example, I've been through a few hurricanes and, while the "angry sea" is blue, it is a distinct shade of blue (distinct from hypothermic skin, at any rate). Just something for you to think about. Otherwise (I say again), I liked the poem. Jim |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I agree with Brad. An element of surprise would be good right about where you make the transition. On the other hand I thought the poem could be better. It seemed to me that the use of colors seemed somehow detatched and empty. Maybe you could beef it up? Just my two cents. |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi kristy! i liked this one too, and i think the strength of the poem is in the turn. so while i dont disagree that you might try to find more unusual things to put the colors in, be sure to keep them light and warm. thats all i can think of  luv Elyse |
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