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Because of HIm
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Because of HIm |
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kelli Junior Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 10washington |
Because of him I have stopped many things. I have stopped the cutting, I have stopped the pain. Because of him I have learned many things. You can not love, You can not trust. Because of him I have hurt in many ways. I have hurt on the inside, I have hurt on the out. Because of him I learned what happiness is. It's and fluke, It's a cover, It's something I can not have. |
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| © Copyright 2000 kelli - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elilas Junior Member
since 2000-03-15
Posts 20The Dalles, Oregon, USA |
i'm relly sorry but don't close your self of cuz life is a game and love is a part of it no matter how it turns out you learn something. |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
most of us have been where you seem to be now.. time will heal.. scars remain but you will suvive. another more worthy of your love will help you forget.  the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Humm kelli .....hello and welcome to CA I see that neither this nor your previous poem really got any critical comment which I should imagine is not what you expected from this forum. Presumably you’ve read the forum guidelines and have posted here hoping for some constructive criticism of your poetry.. Where possible (and where time allows) we also try and comment upon other peoples critiques and enter into debate about the poem in question. So if possible try to give any replies you get some feedback .. ... I guess the previous two responders were either short of time or forgot what forum they were in!!  .. I do the same myself sometimes, but Elilas and Pegasus it would sure be useful (as well as offering the poet your condolences which was very nice) if you could say what you did or didn’t like about the poem?? ok kelli ... down to business ... I actually found this piece rather annoying because i kept finding myself asking the question why? What did this person do? The whole piece comes over as being incredibly vague ... i want to know much more about what’s going on... phrases like: “Stopped many things”, and “Hurt in many ways” mean absolutely nothing, and “Not love” , “not trust”, “on the inside out” are really verging on the cliche, sometimes repetition works, but here it didn’t for me ...... So give me something more to get my “teeth” into and try for some more original phraseology ..... Above all.... keep writing and posting ....... people here want to help believe it or not Philip |
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calamity jane New Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 4 |
hi....I liked your poem in that you didn't feel it was necessary to rhyme every second sentence... I particularly liked the stanza because of him I have learned many things you cannot love you cannot trust which makes complete sense, but I do think the very last stanza is a bit too contradictory and maybe melodramatic (then again that's probably just me) but I did enjoy reading it.....its amazes me that complete *******s can inspire such creativity hahaha |
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