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Critical Analysis #1
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newbieauthor12
Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 14


0 posted 2000-07-31 06:05 AM


My teeth are dirty
I scour them
I scrape them to the nerve
Yet they are still dirty

My friends say they are fine
But I know the truth
My teeth disgust them
They want me to clean my teeth

So I clean them
I exorcise the plaque with fire
I destroy the demons with bleach
But when I look in the mirror I see dirt

I do this over and over
My gums bleed and my teeth scream for death

Then I cry
As I look in the mirror
And my teeth are still dirty


© Copyright 2000 newbieauthor12 - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-07-31 01:07 PM


newbie,

Excellent example of a dysmorphic disorder, with perhaps a bit of OCD thrown in...could mean so many things.

Now...try to examine why...add those feelings.

Enjoyed,
Kris

the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare



Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
2 posted 2000-07-31 07:10 PM


hi newbie!  welcome to CA.  i really liked this actually.  i think the simplicity with which it is expressed gives it a starker harsher feel, which suits it.  only thing, i dont quite like this line

Yet they are still dirty

cant exactly put my finger on why.  also, see if you can play around with adding a few more words that mean "dirty".  like filthy, grimy, whatever. i think that might really add to your poem.  
luv Elyse


allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road
3 posted 2000-08-03 03:07 PM


I wasn't tooooo sure about this one 'till the end - then the absurdity hit! Thanks for giving me the best laugh in quite a while. 'Love the deadpan... LOL  
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