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Critical Analysis #1
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Jose Marti
Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374
washing DC

0 posted 2000-07-29 02:48 PM


I love you,
as the wind loves the sea,
as the palm trees love the soil,
as the sand loves the waves.

I hope to remain,
attached to you forever.
as is the reef with the coral
or like coconuts to their tree.

So if you're lonley,
and you should chance to see,
a palm, a coral,
or just coconuts on a tree,

then you're not really alone.
Just remember this verse,
and remember me.

© Copyright 2000 Jose Marti - All Rights Reserved
YeshuJah Malikk
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263

1 posted 2000-07-29 10:24 PM


Jose, this is my first time reading a poem from you.  Welcome.  I won't jump to any hasty conclusions regarding your style.  But honestly.  I think you could say the same thing in a far more engaging way.  Try not using words that are overused.  I know you can do it.  Just try.  I'll look for more.
Jose Marti
Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374
washing DC
2 posted 2000-07-30 02:11 AM


Sorry, I'l try to do better next time. At least all of my friends like it.
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