Critical Analysis #1 |
My love, forever |
jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
My love, foreverI could feel the cold in This bleak room, Severing my bones and Full of gloom. But why was my heart Feeling so frigid, When the warmth of your hands Subsided. Frozen there you lied Unaware of my emotion, No longer could I hide Deepest of my contrition. Desperately, I implored your eyes for forgiveness, Blankly, came their reply, So icy and expressionless. Inside me where you lived, Where my heart could reach, I knew you would listen To my rueful speech. Rested in your bosom, I Closed my eyes sensing, For once, I heard not your young heart beating. Our journey, you said, Never ended here; And our dream, you said, Never grew bare. Tenderly I whispered I shall never ever Leave you alone again And my love, forever. - James The beauty of nature is displayed, not through itself, but through the creatures dwelling within its bosom. |
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© Copyright 2000 James Jiao - All Rights Reserved | |||
Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Hey there.. ok, I have read this again, and again, and actually, I can't find anything to comment on in this forum, hehe.. maybe others will have more success in helping you.. ^_^ Your use of rhyme here is much better, NONE of your rhymes sound 'forced'.. so well done ^_^ I really like this one James.. very well written.. Lynne "He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
thank you, Lynne.. - James The beauty of nature is displayed, not through itself, but through the creatures dwelling within its bosom. |
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kelli Junior Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 10washington |
The poem sounds so sad but it made me happy. I don't understand why. Well, I loved is all I can really say about it. I think that i'll be reading your poem several times. |
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