»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
No Words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
No Words |
|
|
Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
No Words Turning on television, They both have nothing to say For passions of love given-- Have evolved dirty, dull, and gray. Minds focused on illusion Of glaring emotion's past Hold eyes closed upon pillows-- As no confirming glance is cast. His thoughts are going nowhere And she has nowhere to go As together they disappear-- In a downpour of falling snow. -Robert E. Michaud Jr.- |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Robert E. Michaud Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
notlikely2 Member
since 2000-06-16
Posts 308UK |
Wow! It is so sad when love turns sour, or when people just stop working at it. You have said so much with so few words. Well done. |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bob, I see you speaking of love turned stale and uninteresting rather than sour. I thought I was following until the last line. I don't understand the reference to falling snow. Please enlighten me here then maybe I can have more to say overall. Thanks, Pete |
||
|
Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 notlikely2,Thank you for your kind words... I am glad that you liked the poem. Not A Poet,I am glad that you understood the poem up to the falling snow. I put this line in the poem to make you look at it a little closer. I am glad that I made you think... This last line actually ties in with the first line of the poem regarding turning on the television. Snow is all that remains on the TV when the programming is all over and the station goes off the air and the television remains left on when one falls asleep. "No Words" and static are all that remain on TV... like the couple in my poem. (A hidden metaphore.) Bob <>< |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Bob, This is pretty scarry but that was the only thing I could relate to the last line  Feels strange when my mind works like someone else.Pete |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Bob like this best of yors that I've read so far. Liked interplay relating the relationship with TV. forrest |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Bob like this best of yours that I've read so far. Liked interplay relating the relationship with TV. forrest |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Bob I liked this and it's my favorite so far that you've written . Liked interplay relating the relationship with TV and hope you are drawing inspiration from other than personel experience. forrest |
||
|
sash Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 125 |
Hold eyes closed upon pillows-- as no confirming glance is cast. Amazing how close Your words hit home here!!! You have sent Me back into a painfully recent time. Owwwch! Hope Your future is full of light and Love... ~Sash~ |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I really liked the way you tied up the TV and the snow - I didn't see it at first so thanks for the tip. I had some problems with the meter - here and there - think you might want to tighten that up. Use "As no confirming glance is cast" as your base line. I think this should either be expanded or reflect some tension between the picture you present and the wanting to change. If you expand it, I wonder if you might explore what it means to literally live in the grey snow of TV -- powerful image by the way. If you don't do that, how about working on a realization that something's wrong with this picture. The speaker knows it, the reader knows it, but the characters don't seem to care. And if they don't care, why should we? Brad |
||
|
Clara Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21England, but moving to Sweden this year |
This I really liked, and I too can relate it to past experience. Very clever piece of work IMHO. Clara The quiet English one |
||
|
pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
Looks like we've all been there, Bob. This was a great read. looking forward to more. the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
||
|
kris_aka_warmhrt Junior Member
since 2000-07-25
Posts 15 |
I liked this, and can also relate. To continue with Brad's ideas for expansion, I think including a bit more emotion on the part of the couple would add more depth to the poem. One of them could escape into the television, and even the snow; you could include a short dialog of thoughts, or if they are truly both accepting of the situation, mired in routine, unwilling to change (which it sounds as if that is the situation), then perhaps you could begin with a picture of each of them in the beginning of their relationship. I liked the poem a lot...these are just some ideas to enhance it. Nice read, Bob, Kris |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
wow!!! what can i say. you left me speechless..you amazed me.. ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
