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Critical Analysis #1

To Wonder

jezz_micah
New Member

since 2000-06-30

Posts 8

0 posted 2000-07-11 08:32 AM

I wonder how it would be
to be alone, but also be free.

I wonder how it would be
To be away, but never have to stay.

I wonder how it would be
to be a fish, and swim in a dish.

I wonder how it would be
to be "in love" and fly like a dove

I wonder how it would be
to have died and never have been alive.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2000-07-11 10:34 AM

Hi Jessica,

Interestingly, I was about to say that I'm not usually a fan of repetition, then I realize I just posted "The End" whose whole being is repetition

But I was also going to say that it works for me here

Now, before I have my say on your poem, I must caution you that I am a rhyme and meter nut, so take that into account.

Now for my observations.

I notice that the second line of each stanza has an internal rhyme, all but the first, that is. I think this is a very nice feature and would like to see it included in the first stanza also.

I don't think you need the quote marks around "in love" in the 4th stanza and the period at the end of that line is missing.

The last line actually has an internal near rhyme, but I'm not bothered at all by that. It sounds perfectly good to me. Some may disagree but my opinion is keep it as is

This is a short and light-hearted poem which I enjoyed very much. I hope to see much more of your work. Thanks for sharing.

Pete

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-11-2000).]

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