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Desert
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Desert |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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Desert I wander depths, Sands shifting beneath my insignificance. Shallows tower goldenly on every side, Stretching toward a rippled vision of sky. Sunbeams, stained turquoise, Extend cold ghost-fingers to soothe the flurries Swirling in protest about my trespassing. Now, in cobalt shadow, comes the menagerie: Flitting unearthly or gliding eerie, they move Around me, silent but for the watery whisper of passing. I am a stranger to unblinking eyes, Hardly a curiousity, and they are gone. So it must have been. But on this day, the sky peers, mocking, Reflecting the blue that was and is no more; The sun is never gentle now, but only varies in cruelty. What was sun-kissed shallow, now wind-swept height; What was golden in life stands golden in death. The sands are thirsty now, sullen, Cast in stony waterfalls and frozen waves, Sculpted still in memory of seas. Nothing stirs but what the winds wake, No sound but the rattling of death against death. So it is now, where I wander -- A graveyard of oceans, Rendered in dust and skeletons of trees. < !signature--> YOUR LIFE IS A TEST It is only a test ... If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions! [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
this was a cool one Skyfyre! i like your imagery much, except the part about "shallows towering" oxy moron ya know, and i cant quite wrap my mind around how that could be. i must be losing my touch, because i can think of nothing else to say!  luv Elyse |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Elyse: You have managed to find the most cryptic of my images, I admit. The fact that I shall have to explain it warns me that my imagery is less than perfect ... sigh Imagine being in a desert which is also a valley ... that is the place which inspired this. Now, imagine what the order of things would be were that valley covered in water (which it once was) -- were you standing in the valley proper, the mountains would still tower above you, and they would be the shallows, see ...?  Thank you for your comment, it is appreciated. --Kess YOUR LIFE IS A TEST It is only a test ... If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions! |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
oh! see now that is a cool thought. why dont you describe it like that? its ok to give enough away to help your reader understand better. (dont always make us work so hard for it) besides, with an image as interesting as that, i think a more explicit showing of it in the poem would be well worth it. just a thoughtluv Elyse |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kess This is awesome... don't you dare change a thing! Awesome i say! Hell you are good! I had it more or less pinned down i think from the Title and the first line ... Desert and depths .. maybe i just have a kind of empathy with poems which utilise natural images and metaphor but i saw immediately what you were doing ... a kind of inversion .. living undersea to dead desert ....... and everything else follows on from there.... awesome .. brilliant... as you might have gathered i liked it.. and naturally this wandering in a desert is all a metaphor for the arid life the speaker now leads having once inhabited a living place (a wonderful existence) ... the allusions are all to what was once warm and joyful and teeming with movement and life ... while now the "cold-ghost fingers" of the past try to soothe hot agitation... I'm still struggling with precisely what you were getting at with: " comes the menagerie: Flitting unearthly or gliding eerie, they move Around me, silent but for the watery whisper of passing. I am a stranger to unblinking eyes, Hardly a curiousity, and they are gone. So it must have been." it is redolent of shoals of "unblinking" fish ... and the line "so it must have been" suggests a reference back to the sea again.... also it now occurs to me that "cold ghost fingers" might also allude to the soothing effect of cold water or fish which as mere ghosts try to soothe the hot furious sand eddies ... the memories of the old good life summoned to try and sedate the present turmoil and heat...? Tiny typo on curiosity btw.. and in the second stanza so many more excellent references to the speaker's past and present in such vivid terms ...and "No sound but the rattling of death against death." brilliant!! I see more and more in this poem Kess ... the sort of poem i love ....i wish i had time to write a book on it ...lol thank you again philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 I was mesmerized by your perception of two contrasting worlds of what was and a very vivid imagination of a time now experienced.I especially enjoyed the brief encounter in the "menagerie." Your consciousness of nature is neerly supernatural... Technically, I only question the Now and the now. Now,in colbalt shadow comes the menagerie So it is now, where I wander-- The two nows (present time) seem to contrast each other. The first "Now" has a lot of action going on and the second "now" is dead and desolate. Just an opinion. I hope that you have been to the Grand Canyon because I would love to read your rendition. Bob <>< |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Bob its now morning here and i've had a chance to think about this more ... i think that what Kess is doing is dealing with the ghost worlds of the undersea in the first stanza. Thus the now she refers to in that stanza relates to a world past - the speaker is wandering under the ocean in the old world the "cobalt shadow" being the dark blue of the deep ocean and the menagerie the shoals of brightly coloure fish? (on one level of course - something else on another level .. bright myriad memories maybe?) The second stanzas "now" deals with the present .. the whole stanza being devoted to the "death life" .. the obvious pointer to this is in the opening words: "BUT this day ....." .. with the "but" clearly signifying the change ...... I hope i'm not talking rubbish here Kess .. I still like it even this morning ... and i'm not good first thing in the morning ..lol p |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hi guys and gals ... Elyse: Thanks for stopping by again hun, and for your suggestion. I understand that the image is cryptic, but I really don't see how I could change the image without making it overly obvious, which I really would rather avoid. Suggestions? Philip: I just want you to know how much I appreciate the time you took to reply to this piece twice ... this is what I really like about CA, and what keeps me coming back. When I do reply in here, which I'll admit isn't often, this is the kind of feedback I try to give as well ... As far as your explanation to Bob, you pretty much hit it on the head, too -- no rubbish there! Bob: Thanks for reading, sir, and I understand the confusion ... maybe I'll go back and try to clarify that a bit. Thanks again all, --Kess YOUR LIFE IS A TEST It is only a test ... If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Kess, Having already offered my miniscule and insignificant critique to what was near perfection to begin with, I would only add now that this piece is remarkable from beginning to end. An exquisite flow and optimal imagery that sweeps the reader clean away. Truly this is one of your best works in my opinion - heck, even got me to come in here to post this reply - now that's saying something. "It must have been" - Indeed. Michael |
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