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Critical Analysis #1

Hell

AnGeLiX17
Junior Member

since 2000-06-05

Posts 46
Salisbury, NC

0 posted 2000-07-08 08:04 PM

We're stuck here,
in this crazy, relentless world,
that we call home,
confined to our worst fears,
the only thing we bleed is tears,
we sit and pray and wonder if "God" hears,
we should not have listened to our peers,
cause now we're here,
with nothing to hold dear,
it all left us sad and depressed,
the whole purpose of our lives has now regressed,
I guess we'll just wait,
it all has to do with our fate,
anyway there's nothing left to hate...
we're in Hell.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-07-08 08:44 PM

Angel:

I don't think I've read anything of yours before.  Keep in mind that I am only offering you my opinions and you are free to agree or disagree with anything (or everything) I say.  That said, to the poem:

"We're stuck here,
in this crazy, relentless world,
that we call home,"

The opening lines are, perhaps, some of the best in the poem.  You made me half-way interested in finding out was was so crazy and relentless about the "world" you mention.

"confined to our worst fears,
the only thing we bleed is tears,
we sit and pray and wonder if "God" hears,
we should not have listened to our peers,
cause now we're here,
with nothing to hold dear,"

I was pretty disappointed by these lines.  First, I think the rhymes need to go.  They are too distracting in their current form.  There is no rule that says that a rhyme at the end of the line has to be the end of a sentence or a phrase.  My suggestion, though, is to drop the rhymes.

"it all left us sad and depressed,
the whole purpose of our lives has now regressed,"

I think "regressed" is an unfortunate choice if you don't tell us, specifically, to what state the purpose of your lives has regressed.

"I guess we'll  just wait,
it all has to do with our fate,
anyway there's nothing left to hate...
we're in Hell."

In general, you poem is too general.  There are no vivid images to capture my attention and, therefore, I have no way of distinguishing whether this is whining or true suffering.  What is the reason for the despair?  What is causing the suffering?  Is it the death of a love one (or loved ones) or did one of the Backstreet Boys get married?

Give us all more to chew on.

Just an opinion.

Jim

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